My heart kick-started again with a flash of understanding. He wanted to leave, not to avoid whatever battle was about to happen, but do his damnedest to prevent it from happening here—where innocent babies and a marriage that had no right to be caught up in Elder’s ancient war existed.
I fell into even deeper love with him, willingly moving toward the exit.
Selix pulled his gun from his waistband, clicking open the chamber and counting whatever bullets he’d stocked it with. “If we’re going to do this, we need more ammo, Prest. I’m with you one hundred percent, but we don’t know how many there will be and—” He looked Elder up and down. “You’re not exactly a weapon yourself right now.”
Elder brushed past him, jumping on one leg down the steps to the driveway. “I know how many there will be. Thirteen.”
“How do you know that?” Selix trailed after us.
“I know because that’s how many the leader takes with him to exterminate those he’s lost patience with.” Elder smiled tightly. “Men like me.” His fingers bit into my arm as he guided me across the lawn to the awaiting helicopter.
Selix’s eyebrow rose. “If we’re intercepting them, why are we going in the helicopter? It will be too hard to spot them. We won’t be able to land. We’ll be stuck shooting the ten measly bullets I have from the air.”
Elder huffed as his body dared remind him it wasn’t up for a trek so soon after being injured. “You’re going in the helicopter with Pim. You’re going to take her somewhere safe.”
“Oh, hell fucking no.” Selix slammed to a stop. “I suppose you think you’re going to fight them on your own, right?”
Elder didn’t answer, but the set of his body and steely glint in his ebony eyes said that was exactly his plan.
What?
No, no, no…
Selix laughed coldly, arguing before I could. “Be realistic, Prest. They’ll kill you the moment you find them.”
“Exactly,” I managed to puff. “It would be suicide—”
Elder’s fingers dug deeper into my arm, silencing me. “I know.”
“Then you can’t be serious—” Selix and I asked together with matching threads of horrified disbelief.
“I’m deadly serious.” Looking at me, Elder’s face melted with utmost love. “I’m so sorry, Pim.”
Tears instantly sprang to my eyes. Tears fashioned from understanding that he carried far too much responsibility and guilt and shame and knowledge that he’d caused this and it was time he finished it—even if it meant ending it in the way he’d tried to avoid all these years.
By dying.
“No, El.” I couldn’t stop my wet sob. “You can’t.”
“I can if it means you stay safe.” He stopped, dragging me close and cupping my cheek. “I love you, Pimlico, but I’m not being fair to you by dragging you around the world hoping to stay away from these men. These men I used to work for.” He bent his head and kissed me ever so softly. “These men I invited into my life and haven’t been brave enough to face ever since. This is my cross. Not yours.”
I cried out at the blistering, excruciating pain that this might be the last time I ever kissed him, the last time I ever saw him.
No!
He can’t do this.
Clinging to him, I cried, “This can’t happen. I won’t let it happen. We’ll come with you. We’ll help you fight.” Even as I promised such things, I knew I would never be able to keep them. I was utterly useless when it came to war. I would be nothing more than a hindrance, a shackle.
If only he was healed. If only he was capable of taking on thirteen highly-skilled fighters and winning.
“Please, Elder.” I clutched his t-shirt, not caring if I prodded bruises or poked stitches. “You can’t do this. You can’t. Let us come with you.”
If only to let us die together.
Dying beside him was better than dying decades from now after a lifetime without him.
He chuckled sadly, kissing my forehead. “I have no doubt you would fight any manner of evil for me, Pim, but I can’t let you do that. I love you too much.” Kissing my mouth, he pushed me toward Selix. “Go. Before it’s too late.”
Selix crossed his arms, neither grabbing me nor fighting Elder’s stupidity on martyrdom. “Don’t do this, Prest. Like Pim said, it’s suicide.”
Elder’s eyes flashed. “If my death means they’ll leave the people I love the fuck alone, then is it really suicide?” He breathed hard with dreadful passion. “I’ve been living a lie, telling myself I would do anything to avenge Kade and Otosan, when really, I’ve been running this entire time. All I need to do is let them kill me. Then this—this horrible, shitty mess—is over. I should’ve done it fucking years ago. I see that now.”
I bent over, hugging myself as another crash of sorrow and frustration battered.