But then something was tugging me, reclining me, rolling me onto my side and wedging itself into my embrace.
I opened my eyes, but the wonky world of nothing came back. I tried to speak but the incomprehensive world of language avoided me.
I buried my face into the strands of silk in front of me. I cupped the soft mountains on the cliff’s side I clung to.
More sounds. More mewls. More words I didn’t understand.
I might not comprehend, but I did recognise the voice.
The woman I loved.
The girl I wanted more than anything.
The soul I would never let go.
“I don’t know where you are or what’s happened, El, but rest now.” Tears echoed. “Please be okay.”
My brain rearranged nonsensical into something I remembered.
Language.
Why was this goddess sad?
I wanted to ask her, but my tongue wouldn’t work.
My heart slowed.
My mind blanketed.
I inhaled the rich scent of the woman I’d killed for and then…nothing.
Chapter Fourteen
______________________________
Pimlico
A NEW DAY.
A new morning.
And I’d hoped a new Elder as well.
I’d envisioned him waking up, fully healed and ready to triumph.
But he didn’t.
The sun shone over his strewn body, dappling his bandages, soaking into his strained face. He looked at peace rather than in agony.
His fever had broken sometime in the night, and whatever had happened during sex meant he’d somehow forgotten his pain.
However, even slumbering and peaceful, his face never stopped being severe. His dark eyebrows and thick eyelashes were permanent domination on his tanned skin.
He’d slept curled around me all night, and I’d remained cocooned in his arms. I hadn’t dared move. If I did, he groaned, his body seizing from his wounds. As dawn broke, he’d rolled away, hugging a pillow and slipping into a deeper rest.
And now as I stood over him, I did my best to figure out what the hell happened last night.
I wished I had an answer. I hadn’t slept while tucked in his arms—that question on a never-ending loop.
What made him switch from coherent to unintelligible?
How had he ignored every pain and seemed so happy? So complete? So sated?
Rubbing my arms, I worried he’d done too much. That he’d hurt himself even more by giving in to whatever games his brain played.
I’d wanted to stay here to protect him, but perhaps I’d been wrong.
Maybe he needs to be back on the sea to heal properly.
We’d been here almost three days, and he was no better than before—if anything, I’d made him worse.
Stupid, Pim. So stupid.
What was I thinking sucking him after washing him? I’d been greedy and selfish, and now look what I’d done.
He’s broken.
If we left today on the Phantom, Elder might rally round faster, but it was only a matter of time until the Chinmoku found us, and then what? Would Selix fight on Elder’s behalf? Would Elder stay out of it?
I rolled my eyes.
As if.
Elder would be at the front of the cavalry despite dislocation, fractures, and bullet holes.
My heart bruised to think he’d been living with violence for so long that he no longer knew how to truly find peace. He’d forgotten how to be happy.
But despite all that, I couldn’t keep him prisoner here. I’d been in that situation, and I would never do that to him. I would let him choose. I’d been wrong to make that decision without his input—thinking I was saving him just like he’d saved me.
Because he did need saving. Absolutely.
But love might not be enough. Perhaps only his own forgiveness could do that, and there was no quick way to make self-loathing switch to self-acceptance.
Either way—setting sail or spending another day here—he wasn’t in a state to move yet. When he woke, we’d discuss, but for now, my stomach was empty and my mind a mess.
Food and a walk would clear my head.
My shoulders straightened. I was glad I had a plan instead of standing here fretting while he slept.
Tiptoeing toward the door, I tossed my still-damp hair over my shoulder. I’d had a shower and dressed in simple jeans and dusky pink hoodie. It made me feel my age. Made me remember in numerical value I was still so young, but in life value, I was ancient.
Elder never woke as I looked back one last time and headed down the corridor.
Treading down the stairs, my mind flittered once again to his oddness last night. How he’d vanished on me. How his body had switched from pain-brittle to sensual-smooth. How his words made no sense. How his eyes held no focus.
He’d been high as a damn kite and hadn’t had any weed.
How?
I’d never seen someone so mellow and woozy, so utterly focused on sex before.
Reaching the bottom of the stairs, female voices floated from the lounge followed by a baby cooing.
Damn.
My stomach turned to lead. As much as I wanted to talk to Tess again, it hurt too much to be around baby Lino.