“You know you can take some time off, baby girl. You’re young, and you’ve got time to figure out what you want to do. Maybe even find yourself first.”
“I can’t stay here forever. I’ll think of something.” I step away from her and go back over to the stove. I stir the sauce, trying to keep my thoughts hidden. I don’t want my mom to see how unsettled I’m feeling, because she’ll worry. When I glance over at her, she’s staring right at me her eyes narrowed. She gets up from the bar where she’s been working and comes around to me.
“Baby girl, you can stay here forever. You know that, right? Tell me you know that.”
I can see that what I said upset her. Crap. That’s what I was trying not to do. “Of course I know that, Mom.”
She pulls me into a hug, and I hug her back. Some of my worry slips away as her comforting arms surround me. I don’t know how she does it, but being around my mom always makes me feel better.
I shouldn’t have told her that, but I didn’t mean it like I had to leave. More that I should, because it was getting to be time. My mom had me young, and her own parents tried to talk her out of having me. But she didn’t listen. She knew she wanted me no matter what, so she went out on her own and made a life for us. It wasn’t anything fancy, but I never went without. Never thought I wasn’t loved. My mom worked hard for us. Then she found Ned and we both adored him immediately.
She’s spent her whole life focusing on me and being the best mom anyone could ask for. I don’t want her to worry about me anymore, because she’s done enough of it. I want her to be happy and don’t want to do anything that might hurt her happiness here. This family is everything to her, and I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize that.
She cups my face and rubs her nose against mine. It’s something we’ve done forever, and it always succeeds in making me smile.
“I’m starving,” Ned says, coming in the back door and going straight for my mom. It’s the same thing he always does when he first sees her. He grabs her up and kisses her, and she giggles. She used to blush and tell him not to do it in front of us, but that stopped long ago because he’d still do it anyway. “That cherry I smell?” he asks, putting my mom back on her feet but not letting her go.
“Yep!” I add a little cheer to my voice, trying to lighten up my mood. I put the lid back on the pot, and wipe my hands on my apron. “It should be done in a little bit. Right on time for after dinner.”
I glance over to the other side of the room where Jasper is leaning up against the wall. I look away, unable to meet his eyes. My face warms as I think about the truck ride home. How he’d touched me. Something is changing, and I can feel it. There’s something different about him and about us, but I don’t know what it is.
I grab the plates off the counter to set the table, needing some space and something else to focus on. Crap, this feels weird, awkward even.
Jasper’s phone rings, and I look back over at him, unable to stop myself. I can’t ever seem to stop.
“Hey, Emily,” he says into the phone, and I freeze, all the air leaving my lungs. “Yeah, I put your bag by the front door. You left it in the living room.” He pauses for a moment. “Don’t forget to set the alarm before you leave. I’m going to be gone a few days.” He pauses again, and all of us are looking at him. He raises his eyebrows at us questioningly.
I pull my eyes from his and start to put the food on the table.
“Sounds good to me. I’ll see you next week,” I hear him say.
“Who’s Emily?” my mom asks as Jasper ends the call.
“I’m going to go wash up before dinner,” I say, escaping the room and half-running up the stairs. My eyes start to burn, and I know if anyone sees my face they’ll know I’m about to cry.
I race into my room and then into my bathroom and wash my face. I look at myself in the mirror and try to breathe.
“Get it together, Libby. He’ll always be in my life, and someday I’ll have to see him with someone else.” My words offer no comfort. For the first time, I don’t feel like I’m at home anymore. I pull off my apron and toss it into the laundry basket.