Shay sniffs and wipes her nose with the back of her hand.
“Your mom’s right,” I tell them.
If possible Jamie stiffens even further.
I squeeze her arm to let her know it’s okay, and then continue, “Elijah, I love how you stand up for your brother and sister and how you look after them. Tanner, I love how inventive you are. Shay, I love your imagination. Each of you is amazing, and I’m always going to be there for you, but like your mom said, trying to get back at someone who wrongs you won’t fix your problems, it’ll only make them worse. That isn’t the way to live. Okay?”
Elijah watches me with a peculiar look in his eyes and Tanner’s mouth hangs open a bit. Shay is chewing on her lip and it looks like she’s having really big, important thoughts.
“Okay.” Elijah nods solemnly.
Tanner snaps his mouth shut. “Deal.”
Jamie turns the station wagon into the driveway, and the car starts bumping over the ruts and crunching the gravel.
The last time we were all in the car together, we were coming back from the hospital, I was in the rear with Scooter, and I thought this place was a living hell. Now, I’m telling my kids I love them, and I’m so glad to be home.
Jamie yanks the car to a stop under the carport, the tall grass scraping along the sides. I think, maybe if we save up, I can build an actual garage. That’d be nice. Especially come winter.
Elijah clears his throat. “We got our report cards today.”
The front seat creaks as Jamie quickly turns around. “That’s right. You did.”
Tanner smiles a big, toothy grin. “Remember how you promised if we did good you’d take us camping?”
A warm smile-like feeling comes over me and I nod.
“Did you mean it?”
What? Am I not good to my word? I frown at them, suppressing a smile. “Of course I meant it.”
Shay bounces up and down. “That means we’re going camping!”
I grin as the kids squeal, yell, shriek and tumble from the car, tossing their backpacks in the air and running and jumping through the tall grass. I figure pretty soon they’ll start doing somersaults.
“I guess that means they did good?” I smile at Jamie, expecting her to be just as excited as the kids, but she’s looking at me with a whole lot of trepidation. Honestly she looks a little green around the edges, like she’s on a boat, tossing in the ocean, and she’s about to be sick.
“You okay?”
She nods and presses her hand to her stomach. “Uh huh.”
I frown, but Shay is running back toward the car, a huge smile on her face. I step out of the car and bend down to meet Shay. “What is it?”
She reaches up and grabs my shirt to pull me down close.
“What?” I smile at her, at the sheer happiness in her eyes, and the way she’s bouncing on her toes.
She stares at me and then smiles her big, missing-front-tooth smile, and says, “I love you.”
Then Shay lets me go and runs off, back to chasing her brothers, and Scooter, and the darn rooster.
My chest feels like it’s been kicked by a draft horse. I stare after her, completely stunned, and rub the aching spot where my heart pounds against my ribs. I think if it pounds any harder it’s going to break my chest right open.
“Love you too,” I finally say, even though she’s halfway across the yard, tugging on Scooter’s tail.
My word.
My word.