CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE: WINTER
I sink into the hot water of the shower, letting it soak into my skin. I let it wash away the blood.
The tears.
The pain.
The frustration.
I'm a target now, that much I know. Pretending to be the mistress of Giovanni while clearly being surrounded by the Costa Family means that people are going to hear about me. And when they do, they're going to come after me.
Just like tonight.
I lean over, dry heaving.
Everything I had in my stomach has already come up in the last thirty minutes and I shiver as heaves continue to wrack my body.
When they finally stop, I step out of the shower, drying off and pulling on the nightgown waiting for me. I pull my hair back into a loose ponytail and I slowly brush my teeth and wash my face. Once I'm done, I lean over the sink, taking a couple of deep breaths, trying to center myself.
I'm thankful that they got me away from Diamond, but the longer I allow myself to think about the fact that a man was killed to do so, the sicker I get. Because I frankly don't care.
And that's something I never would have thought before coming here.
Even at the party, when I’d seen the man dying, I’d felt sympathy and anguish.
Now I feel nothing.
So what's going to happen to me the longer I'm here if I'm already starting to get desensitized to everything going on around me?
To death.
I shake my head, gripping onto the counter as my thoughts continue to race. I've already seen so much death here. And it hasn't even been a full quarter of a year.
Winter isn't even over.
How will I make it through the rest of the seasons with my soul still intact?
I step back, my legs shaking slightly. I pull the door open. Enzo stands in the doorway and he stares down at me, a passion and concern I'm unused to seeing in his eyes. "Are you okay?" he asks, his voice low.
I give a sharp nod. "As okay as I'll ever be," I tell him. I wrap my arms around myself. "Can I just go to my room?"
"Yes." He reaches a hand out as if he's going to touch me before abruptly pulling back. He takes a step away from me and nods for me to move in front of him. I keep my eyes on the floor the entire time on the trek to my room. I don't even glance at him when we get to the door, throwing it open and moving inside.
I bury myself under the covers.
I remain aware of the fact that the door never closes but I don't look up.
"Is there anything I can get you?" Enzo asks, hesitantly.
"No." My voice is weak as I offer the response. He remains silent and then the door is closing softly.
I expect to cry, but no tears come, the ones I had in me having already spilled down the drain. The only thing I feel is hollow as I stare out my bedroom window. The moon is out and it offers a soft light into my dark room. I glance at the courtyard, but it's quiet tonight.
I don't know how long I lay, just staring out of the window until I hear my door open and light trickles in. I don't move.
Footsteps move closer and then Vito's face appears in my vision. He's holding a tray of food in his hands. The look on his face... I can't quite describe it. He stares down at me. "You need to eat."
"I'm not hungry."