“Scarlet.” Her name came out in a panicked tone. “It’s your dad. He collapsed at home just now and I called for an ambulance. They’re taking him to the hospital. I’m on my way, following behind them.”
“What? Mom, what?”
“Your dad. He collapsed. We don’t know what’s wrong. I called for an ambulance right away and they’ve already came. I’m driving to the hospital right now.”
Scarlet didn’t have to think about her response, even though she was totally in shock. She was surprisingly strong. She didn’t feel like she was going to wilt or fall over. She was already going into action mode, which she supposed was indeed another form of shock, but a much more take charge, productive one. “I’m on my way. Which hospital?”
Her mom rattled off the name, which wasn’t the one that Neera worked at. Scarlet nodded into the phone as her mom gave a few more details, then hung up after Scarlet promised again that she was walking out the door that second.
She was already pocketing her phone as she locked up the front and switched off the open sign. She went back to the desk and quickly wrote a sign about being closed for an emergency and taped it to the glass of the front door. She would update the social media sites and the website from the hospital. It was the second day that the store had been closed in a week, but she wouldn’t let herself think like that. If she lost business, she lost business. Her family came first. She needed to learn that she should come first too. She’d been putting herself last for so long without even fully r
ealizing that’s what she was doing that it was a hard habit to break.
I might not even have a store in six months anyway.
Scarlet let her worries sit with her during the ride to the hospital. It was a lot for one morning. She thought about signs. Stuff from the universe. She’d never been inclined to think in that direction, but lately, it was hard not to.
These aren’t signs. This is just a lot of crap coming down all at once because that’s what crap sometimes does. This is not a sign. It has nothing to do with me personally. This isn’t karma. This is asshole landlords doing what they do best. It’s bad timing. This is my dad’s health failing, which doesn’t have one single thing to do with my relationship. This isn’t the universe trying to get back at me for trying to finally, finally be truly happy as ME. Neera doesn’t need to keep talking you down. You need to take responsibility for what you want and stand up for that.
After calming herself down with a few deep breaths, Scarlet parked and went inside. She was directed at the front desk and was shown by a kind nurse, the way to the correct waiting area, since she was totally and utterly overwhelmed at the size of the hospital.
When Scarlet saw her mom, who seemed to have aged ten years in the past few days, she nearly broke down in tears. Her eyes burned, but she resolved to be strong, and she blinked them away while offering a shaky smile. Her mom’s eyes got wet at seeing her too, but she blinked the same way to clear her vision. She was hunched over, her shoulders shaking with every breath that seemed to rattle through her like she was abandoned building. Her skin was too pale and there was no color at all in her cheeks. She didn’t look like herself, but she was worried and stressed, and Scarlet supposed that was enough to transform anyone into looking unhealthy.
Scarlet took a seat in the chair beside her mom. The waiting area was smaller, but still like any other, with chairs lined around the wall, a coffee table in the middle, and a vending machine just down the hall.
“How is he?” Scarlet asked, even though she could barely make her voice function or her throat work.
Her mom let out a gusty sigh. “I don’t know yet. They’re doing an MRI to make sure he didn’t hit his head or anything when he fell. His neck was sore, he was saying, when he came around right before the paramedics got to the house. I kept him still.”
“Oh, my God. Is it— do you think it’s because of his blood pressure? I don’t know if it would have been high or low, but I’m guessing if he passed out, it would have been low.” Scarlet didn’t want to think about other outcomes. High blood pressure could mean anything, but he knew the dangers.
Her mom shook her head and shrugged. “I don’t know.” She paused, and Scarlet could just see her gathering herself to let her have it. She knew it was coming, and of course, it did. “If it wasn’t for the stress, he wouldn’t have had to be on his blood pressure medication at all.”
“Stress? He’s been on those meds for two years now.”
“Well, stress isn’t good for him. That’s why he retired early.”
Scarlet barely kept herself from rolling her eyes. She very nearly lost the battle, so she looked towards the other side of the room. They were pretty much alone, but it was a very small area.
“It was your divorce,” her mom went on, steamrolling right over Scarlet’s feelings. “That’s what triggered it.”
“That was last year that I said anything. He was still on it before.”
“Well, he had an episode then. He was watering the plants in the flower garden, and he said he felt dizzy.”
“Mom. It was hot out. You can’t just— you can’t blame me for anything bad that happens.” Scarlet faced her mom, her shoulders wavering as she drew in a breath. “I’m sorry for the stress and the heartache I’ve caused. I truly am. I’ve made mistakes just like everyone else. I want you to know that I’m happy now, or at least I’m trying to be. I’m trying to make less of those mistakes and figure out who I am and how to be okay with that, or even proud of it. I love you both. Really. I just hope that one day, that’s enough for you. You’re my parents, and we might disagree, but I’m always going to love you. What I’m not going to do is change my mind. I’m in love with a woman because I’m a lesbian. I know that’s a shock. I know it’s going to take a long time to process it. It’s taken me a very long time to be able to say that, but it’s the truth. Neera makes me happy. I want to make her happy. I’m not going to change my mind. That’s all I can say about it right now.”
There. It was out. The big, grand speech that she’d wanted to give ever since dinner. She’d been thinking about it, what she’d say if she ever got the chance to sit down with her mom and have her truly listen. It was sad thing that she doubted that it might ever actually happen. She wasn’t sure if the hospital was the right place or the right time, but she was glad that she’d said what she needed to say and she could stop letting it well up inside of her day after day, hour after hour, minute after minute.
They were silent. The kind of silence that weighs on a person like a pile of heavy blankets, heaped on one by one until they’re collectively too many and become stifling.
When it was clear that Scarlet’s mom wasn’t going to respond, they just sat that way, in silence, until a nurse finally came to talk to them. The woman was middle aged, wearing the same pale green scrubs as most of the other nurses Scarlet had seen walk by.
“I wanted to say that your husband is in one of the rooms now, with the doctor, and you can go in and see him.”
Scarlet’s mom leaped up, letting out a small sigh of relief that she obviously meant to contain. Scarlet felt that same relief right down to the pit of her soul. She followed the nurse and her mom down the hall to a room filled with machines hooked up all over the place, beeping and whirring. Her dad was there in bed, in a hospital gown, the sheets pulled up to his waist. He had an IV in one arm, and his doctor, a tall, young man with dark chestnut hair and an athletic build, was talking to him about wearing a heart monitor for a day just to make sure everything was okay, but the CT was normal, and he was good to go. It also seemed like his medication might need some adjustments to the dosage, but they would figure it out.
After the doctor left, Scarlet’s mom took the chair at the side of the bed and grabbed her husband’s hand tightly. She was barely above having a bit of a breakdown. Scarlet had never doubted that her parent’s love was real. It might have been subdued, melted into a more relaxed way of living and loving after so many years, but it was there, and now she knew just how strong it was. Just because her parents had never believed in being overly affectionate with each other in front of their children, didn’t make their bond any less strong.