It was her fault that she’d lived that life with Bryan, and no one else’s. It was her choices that had led her to have that huge, empty void in her chest that was always there, no matter how well the boutique did or how many people she surrounded herself with. Having Elodie as her best friend over the years definitely helped, but Elodie couldn’t be everything and Scarlet had never wanted her to. She didn’t tell Elodie the half of it, because she didn’t want to be that burden over and over again.
But now, everyone knew pretty much everything, and she was so, so tired of being alone.
So, warmed up leftovers or not, she still pulled open the door. And she still walked into Neera’s arms the second she opened them, the cold of the night still clinging to her black peacoat, her skinny jeans stiff with it.
Neera wrapped her arms around Scarlet, and cold or not, they felt so good. She smoothed her hand over her hair and kept one on her shoulder. Eventually, Scarlet had to pull back so Neera could take off her coat. Instead of giving it to Scarlet, Neera hung it on the peg by the door herself. She slipped off her boots, then rubbed her arms over her cherry red knit sweater and did a little it’s freaking cold out there shimmy dance that involved her whole body.
“Thanks for coming,” Scarlet said quietly. Her voice sounded scratchy like her throat was swollen too.
“Of course!” Neera studied Scarlet. “My mom honestly said that she wasn’t ready yet, but I think she’s going to get there soon. She still loves you. You should know that. She’s still mad, but it’s fading fast. She said that she was okay if I came here. We had a good talk before I left.”
“Oh. I— that’s really nice to hear.”
“I mean it. She’s going to come around. I think she wanted to come with me, but she couldn’t make herself do it. She just needs more time. It’s going to be okay. You’re not going to lose her.”
“That’s good.” Tears burned up Scarlet’s nose. No matter how many she cried, there seemed to be an endless supply waiting. “That’s really good. I don’t think I could bear that right now.”
Neera’s hand settled on her chest, and she rubbed the spot right above her heart like it was hurting. She let out a shuddery breath. “I think you need another hug.”
Scarlet was afraid to go in for one, but Neera stepped forward and wrapped her arms around her and squeezed her hard. Scarlet clung to her. She smelled like vanilla and laundry soap and something slightly stronger, probably a disinfectant or sanitizer from work. Scarlet was instantly soothed, even though she was afraid of hugs because she was afraid that if she was held, she might not ever want to let go. She did pull back, no matter how much she wanted to stay in Neera’s arms.
“Do you want some coffee? Or something to eat?”
Neera shrugged. “I’m okay. We can just talk if you want.”
Scarlet raked her hands through her hair. Her fingers snagged on multiple knots, and she realized that she hadn’t even brushed it. She’d curled it the night before, to go and have dinner with her family, and the blonde tresses were probably a tangled mess.
She had to step back and lean against the wall for support when visions of the dinner the night before played over in her mind.
“Whoa.” Neera was right there, her eyes burning with worry. “Are you okay? No. Of course, you’re not okay. Let me help you.”
Scarlet shook her head. She was used to taking care of herself. “That’s okay. I— I’m good.”
“You’re not. You’re not good and you’re not fine and it’s okay to be that way. There’s lots going on right now. Lots of hard, painful things. Telling my mom, then telling your family and having it feel like no one is in your corner and being totally alone… I— I’m here. You don’t have to be by yourself.”
Scarlet tried to pick herself off the wall, but honestly, it felt so good to lean there. She was tired. Exhausted, actually. She hadn’t slept at all the night before, but even all week, she’d barely got more than a few hours at a time. “I’m older than you. I’m the one who should be taking care of you,” she sighed when Neera’s hand landed on her shoulder.
Neera shook her head, rolled her eyes, and offered a small, humorous smile that said she was calling bullshit on that.
“That’s nonsense. You can deny that you need someone or that you need help all you want, but at some point, everyone does. It’s okay to be sad, to be tired, to be a mess, to be human. You don’t have to be tough all the time, and certainly not for me. You might be older, but that doesn’t mean that you have to be the only responsible one. I think, in a relationship, people are supposed to be there for each other, even if there’s an age difference. I don’t want you to be my mom, Scarlet. I want you to be my girlfriend.”
It might be illogical, but Scarlet leaned off the wall and grasped Neera’s shoulders. She pulled herself in and rested her head there. She knew that nothing was fixed by the act of being held, but it felt so, so good.
Neera pulled back after a few minutes and tilted Scarlet’s face up. Instead of looking at her with pity, she looked at her with purpose and it was reassuring. “Everything is going to be okay. We’re here for you. Mom and me. Always. Your family, I’m sure they’ll come around. I know you probably expected a blow out.”
“I did,” Scarlet admitted. “It didn’t make it any easier when it happened, though.”
“No. We all hope for the best and that’s crap about being prepared for the worst.” Neera’s eyes assessed her face, then trailed lower, to the gray sweats and the oversized black pullover she was wearing. “You offered me something to eat, but have you eaten anything?”
Scarlet didn’t want to admit that she hadn’t. Food was the last thing she wanted, but it might also explain why she felt so nasty physically. That and the lack of sleep. “I’m okay,” she still insisted, because she was basically programmed to say it.
Neera knew better. “I think you’ve been taking care of other people for a long time. You’ve been telling people what they want to hear, and no one has asked you what you want. If you’re taking care of everyone else, and I know you did that with Bryan for years, who is taking care of you?”
“I…”
“I know you got used to it, being in a relationship with someone who treated you like you weren’t even there, always being last, shoving aside what you really wanted, but you don’t have to be tough for me.” She took Scarlet’s hand and squeezed it. “I’m going to run you a bath. A nice, warm, full one. Then, after a good soak, we’ll have something to eat. I’m hungry too, actually. I’ll make something for both of us, so you can’t protest. Deal?”
Scarlet felt her face heat up. Did she really look that awful? “I can pour my own bath. You don’t have to—”