“Still. It’s really hard to be left like that without
someone even talking it out. That’s really damaging and rude.”
Steph’s lips curl up just a little and something warm sparks in
me at her outrage. She doesn’t get angry like everyone else,
but it’s obvious that she is. Maybe that’s her inner processing
that she was talking about.
“I was totally unprepared to meet you.” Now that I’m
talking, it’s suddenly so much easier to say what I want to say.
“To be with you. I kept thinking that it’s going to come. That
moment where you decide it’s not for you or that you’re done
with it or that you leave. I kept waiting for it. I talked myself
out of it. It was nothing you did. Honestly. I just kept waiting
for it to end because that’s my biggest fear.”
“I know that I’m not one to talk, really. You were right
when you said that I don’t have any experience with this, or
almost none. All the relationships I’ve been in, I’ve been
almost happy to see them end. I knew that none of them were
right and that was always hanging over me. As for being
scared though? I’m scared too. I think everyone gets scared
when they meet that person who means a lot to them. But I
also think that feeling things after a short time is legitimate
too. It’s our body talking to us, giving us signals, working like
it should, but then everything else creeps in. Doubt. Life.
Other signals. Other chemicals. They get stronger, those
instincts, and we can’t ignore them.”
“That’s very…scientific.”
Steph breaks into a grin. “I know. But I think it’s true. I
just want you to know that I understand. I think fear is very
natural. If you don’t want to do this, then I get it. I get that you
weren’t looking for me or for a relationship and maybe you’re