“Mark?” Mrs. Keegan called, freeing Luke from the glare I was shooting at him. “I was just saying to your parents that it’s such a relief having a police officer living right across the road from Rex and me now.”
“If you ever have a problem or something happens, just shout. I’ll give you my cell number before you go.”
Her eyes widened. “Oh, that’s also a perk, but I was thinking that, if I get murdered, I know you’ll make sure the investigation’s done properly. Make sure those CSI teams use the best nifty gadgets they’ve got to track down who did it. I know, I’ll get some of those cameras for inside the house, so you get the clues you need before it becomes one of those cold cases.”
Did I really need any more evidence that today was one of the worst in history?
“Um, are you talking about the stuff they have in the television series?”
When she nodded excitedly, I opened my mouth to tell her that most of them didn’t exist or that they were exaggerated for the audience's sake, but Mom shifted until she was standing behind Mrs. Keegan and shook her head rapidly. I knew why—she didn’t want me to disillusion the woman, either for her peace of mind or because she loved the show and technology.
“You should definitely get cameras for your own personal safety, Mrs. Keegan. Many of them have sensors you can put around your house that’ll go off if someone walks through the ‘beam,’ and it’ll set off an alarm. The cameras also help you check if someone’s been in your home while you’re not there.”
Mrs. Keegan looked so excited by the prospect that I had to laugh. “CSI your home, Mrs. K. But if you need anything, you know where I am.”
Mom’s purse appeared out of nowhere, and she pulled out the little notebook and pen she kept in it and scribbled something down on it. “Here you go, this is Mark’s number. You call him any time night or day.”
“Oh, I’ll get one of those police scanners,” Mrs. Keegan said excitedly. “I can learn the codes and give them directions if they get lost where the perp and victim are.”
My heart sank into my balls. “No, no, don’t do that. We know where we’re going thanks to all of our technology, and civilians listening to a police scanner can get problematic, especially if you also get something you can interrupt our communications with.”
“Okay, well, I’ll go and look up sensors and alarms and cameras. You order your Lysol and holy water for that place.”
Luke snorted, but I couldn’t hold that against him. She made a good point now. I’d been living in that crime scene nightmare for over a year. Fuck knows what I’d leaned on or brushed up against.
“You have a great day, and once I get to taking down the mirrors, if you need any for your place, just let me know.” I followed this with a wink and wave.
This time it was Mrs. Keegan who shuddered. “I’ll pass, but I’ll visit you at work to see squirrelgate soon.”
“Mind and bring the wieners, meatballs, Twinkies, cheeseballs, and anything else you can think of,” Luke added, shooting her an exaggerated wink, the asshole.
Both of us turned to walk into the house, looking at it with new eyes now.
“From the outside, I always assumed it’d be like a stately home inside, with crystal and art on the walls,” Luke mused. “Now that we know it was a sordid porn palace, I’m relieved I never put in an offer for it.”
“Fuck off.”
“Are you ever going to get rid of the semen stains and vagina juice?”
I could feel another one of the puke-burps coming on. I was never going to be able to touch anything again.
“I’m not doing a thing until Layla’s here. She loved this house and dreamed about us living here, so she gets to choose everything we do to it.”
That was my plan, and I was sticking to it. Then again, a lot of things had stuck to other things in this house by the sounds of it.
Would a deep clean and taking down the mirrors and more gaudy aspects before she saw them be that bad? What if Layla wanted the little mirrors so she could watch herself on the toilet? Granted, she’d be sitting down when she used it, but maybe she’d like to do her hair or makeup while she used it. Did women do that?
“Maybe you should tell her you bought it and get her to come and see the inside?” he suggested, slinging his arm around my neck. “Wait until we get the grass and shit under control, then wow her.”
I sighed. “That’s if she’s talking to me after today. I did arrest her brother, who was out of his mind on medication.”
Luke tipped his head back and burst out laughing, the sound echoing around the practically empty house. “There’s that. You never know, this house might be the best apology gift in the history of them.”
Holy shit, he might be right.
Jogging through to the kitchen, I put the empty beer bottle on the nearest surface and ran straight past where Luke was still standing and out the door.
“Right, here’s the plan….”
I was going to put their previous plan to get her back together with this one and get her back. Except it ended up being for nothing, because the Townsends got their first as always.