“I never asked you to change for me, Ezra! You could have said no. I never forced you into anything!” I grab ahold of her shoulders and glare at her. “You told me you were ready. You chose to give yourself to me. Don’t you fucking dare stand there and act as if I forced you, Ezra! What did I say to you? I told you to remember that I can’t be what you want me to be before you slept with me again. Did I tell you that or not?”
“Yes.” She nods, looking up at me. “You did. Once again, what happened here is my fault, right? You have no blame in any of this at all because I knowingly came with you. I knowingly let you whip me to satisfy your desires! I’m the one constantly touching you and kissing you and coaxing you into bed. It’s all me, right?!” I stare at her wordlessly. “You want me to say no, Damien?” She shakes out of my grasp and walks over to the table with my gun, and she picks it up.
“Ezra.” She looks down at the gun, clicks off the safety, and pulls the barrel back. “Ezra, put the gun down,” I say firmly, and she lifts her teary gaze to meet mine.
“I should have let you shoot me that day in the stables.” She walks over to me and lifts the gun to her head, her finger on the trigger, tears streaming down her cheeks. “If I had known that I would die a little every day since then, I would have in a heartbeat.” One wrong move. One accidental pressure on the trigger, and she would blow her head off. My stomach tightens with dread, and my heart races. Not a feeling I’m familiar with.
“Ezra…” I whisper, gazing into her eyes. “Listen to me. Put the gun down, and we can talk.”
She shakes her head. “No,…” she whispers. “I’m all burnt out, Damien. I’m tired of trying to understand you, of fighting my feelings,” She sighs, “I’m just tired.”
“Ezra, give me the gun.” She looks up at me and pulls the gun away from her head and points it at me. I could easily disarm her, but I wait, bide my time.
“Do it,” She holds the gun out to me. “Shoot me and free us both. Please.” I shake my head and take the gun from her carefully and sigh. “I can’t do this anymore.”
I slide the gun safety on and toss it on the bed before I pull her into my arms. “I’m not going to shoot you,” I whisper and kiss her temple: her body trembles and quakes with hoarse sobs. I close my eyes and keep her against me.
One thought kept going around and around in my mind.
I need to protect her... not from the ones after her but more from…myself.