Chapter Seven
Isa
The night before the wedding.
Imani was back in town for the wedding, and I couldn’t have been happier. Whenever I was around anyone, I would do my best to keep my hormones and emotions in check and not send off any alarms that something was clearly off with me. The doctor’s appointment I made confirmed the pregnancy was real and that the baby growing inside me was Elijah’s. As badly as I wanted to pour out my heart to Imani, I couldn’t put that on her. Elijah and the baby were the aftermaths of my emotional promiscuity and the inability to keep it in check. They were my cross to bear, not hers. So, I kept my self-loathing and negative self-talk to myself. The phone call Elijah and I shared didn’t do me any favors when it came to keeping him off my mind. Feeling guilty, I glanced over at Axel, who was driving us from the rehearsal dinner back to my apartment to drop me off for the night. The car ride had been mostly quiet as I kept my hand on my nauseated stomach.
“Tomorrow’s the big day!” I exclaimed, trying to spark a conversation.
“I know,” he replied, never peeling his eyes away from the road ahead of us.
“Are you excited? Tonight’s your last night as a single man. How do you feel about that?”
He shrugged. “No different, I guess.”
I frowned. “Why are you so blah these days?”
“What do you mean?”
I folded my arms across my chest. “You know exactly what I mean, and it’s been like this for a while now.”
“Are you trying to start a fight right now?”
“No, I’m just trying to have a conversation with the man I’m going to marry tomorrow. It seems like, as of late, that’s gotten harder to do, too. I mean, do you even want this anymore?”
“Are you serious right now?”
“Yeah! I am,” I griped.
“I’m fine, Isa. You’re trippin’,” he accused.
“Me? You were all in. One minute you want me to see the world with you, and the next, you’re poppin’ in and out of the city like popcorn.”
“Because I can’t stand this fuckin’ city! Every fuckin’ day I spend here constantly reminds me of all the shit I can’t have! My mother died here! Do you think she’s comin’ back? Because she ain’t!” he yelled, pressing the brakes, and shifting the gear into park outside my apartment building.
“You think I don’t know that type of pain? This city took my father and my brother from me! You, of all people, should know better than to say something like that to me!” I screamed before getting out of the car.
Tears stung my eyes as I slammed the door. The window to the passenger side door quickly slid down. “Isa, wait!” Axel called out to my back.
I snapped my neck at him. “Can you say you’re one hundred percent invested in this relationship? Because I don’t think you can,” I told him.
“Can you? You’re doing a lot of finger-pointing my way, but you’re the first one talking about throwing in the towel!”
“Because you don’t make me feel safe!” I confessed.
His brow creased. “What?”
“I love you, but I don’t feel safe with you, Axel! I’m sorry, but it’s the truth!”
“That’s bullshit, and you know it, Isa! I’ve always tried to put you first, even at my own expense! Can you say the same? Huh? Because I don’t think you can!” he accused, pointing his finger at me.
My head shook from side to side as tears raced down my cheeks. “You don’t know shit!”
“Yeah, well, neither do you!”
I rested my hands on the hood of his car before letting out a long sigh. “What are we doing? We’re getting married tomorrow, Axel. This is supposed to be our happily ever after.”
“I thought we were up until ten minutes ago. What the hell is going on with you, Isa?”