“He killed them all in that room back there. That’s where they were all sleeping. No matter how old they got, sometimes the twins would still find themselves sleeping up underneath my parents in their room. It’s so cold and lifeless back there now. I thought I was strong enough to handle this shit but being here got me fucked up. It was like everything came flooding right back when I stepped foot in this house.”
"Sometimes memories are the worst form of torture,” I replied as I followed him into the kitchen and onto the back porch to get some fresh air.
"All the memories come back, but they never do. "How could he take the life of his own fuckin’ kids, man? His kids? Fuck, man!” His voice cracked before he started to hyperventilate.
My eyes widened when I realized he wasn’t okay. He was falling apart right in front of me with his demons on full display. “Hey, hey. Sit down. Deep breaths,” I coached while pulling him down to sit on the steps. Once he was seated on the pavement, I stepped in front of him. He pulled me to him, engulfing my waist in his arms, and laid his head against my stomach. “Just focus on my voice. That's it. You're okay. We're okay,” I assured him calmly while gently rubbing his back. “Just breathe.”
“I wasn't ready to say goodbye. I wasn’t,” he sobbed.
We clung to each other in silence, letting the sounds of children laughing and playing in the distance fill the void our words couldn’t. After a few minutes, I felt him slowly drag his hands from around my waist.
He sniffled. “Go ahead to the car. I’m straight. I’ll be out in a minute.”
“No.”
“Just go, Isa.”
"Look, I know we don't know each other well, but you don’t deserve to be alone right now. You can ignore me, but I’ll stay right here, okay?"
“You’re just being nice.”
“That may be so, but I’m here, so just let me be here.”
He let out a heavy sigh. “I don’t even know where that shit came from.”
I shrugged. “It's not bad to cry. I think it makes a person stronger."
“I don’t know if that’s true, but I haven’t shed a tear in years.”
“Why not?”
His broad shoulders rose and fell. “I don’t know. I guess so many people looked at me like a monster for so long that I started to believe that shit. And monsters don’t cry.”
“You’re the furthest thing from a monster. Sometimes people do bad things when trying to survive, but I see the look in your eyes when you talk about your family. As terrible as the bad memories are, the good ones will always hold more weight. Besides, look at all the good you’re doing with Seven Stone. You’re honoring your family and giving back to the community. You can be as good as you want to be. You deserve every single bit of greatness that comes your way.”
The right side of his mouth lifted in a half-smile, although his brown eyes were glossy. “You’re something else; you know that?”
“So, I’ve been told.”
∞∞∞
Aside from some banter early on, most of the car ride back to the hotel was so silent you could hear a pin drop. I stopped the car and put it in the park before glancing over at him. “You good?”
He bowed his head in silence. “Yup.”
“Okay. Well, thanks for today. It was, uh–”
He waved his hand. “You don’t have to do that.”
“Do what?”
“Find something to say to me to fill the void. I’m okay, Isa. I’m good. Thank you.”
“Do you want to talk about it anymore?”
“Not any more than I already have, especially not with you.”
I frowned. “What does that mean?”