So this little one will be mine, I’ve decided.
“You think Bethiah will want one?” Alice asks. “Or Zebah? I just want them to all have good homes.” She scratches Sterre’s ears. “And this girl is such a good mama already. You’re killing it, Sterre, baby.”
The carinoux licks Alice’s hand, and then licks one of the kittens piled onto Alice’s chest. “I think she wants her babies back,” I say, carefully placing Little Matty back against his mama’s side. “And I should check on my mate.”
“Why?” Alice asks, arranging the kittens against Sterre again.
“It’s been a few hours since I’ve touched him. I don’t want him to forget what it’s like to put his fingers inside me, so I need to track him down.”
“We’ve really got to talk about your sharing,” Alice mutters. She gives Sterre a scratch on the chin and pauses. “I suppose I have time to find my mate, too.”
“So you can remind him what it feels like to have his fingers inside you?”
Alice blushes and I know I’m right.
I find Mathiras in the sparring room, swinging half-heartedly at a bot. “You’re practicing without me?”
“Oh, Helen,” my mate says, and he gives me a worried half-smile. “I didn’t mean to spar without you. I was just thinking, and sometimes hitting something helps.”
That’s a surprisingly Kaspar sort of thing to say, and not like Matty. It means he’s overthinking again. I move to his side, and when the bot surges forward to intercept me, I grab it by the arm and flip it off its rollers, then kick it aside in a smooth reflex motion. Mathiras blinks, and I know I did that quicker than he could follow, and a smug little smile touches my lips. I do like being a badass. I slip my hands around Matty’s waist and gaze up at him. “What’s troubling you, my love? Do we need to head to the showers?”
He chuckles, but the chuckle is quickly followed by a sigh. “Zoey and Sentorr are coming to the Second Star. They want to stay until their baby is born, and maybe even after that.”
Mathiras doesn’t seem happy about this. How very strange. “I don’t understand. You invited your sister. I thought you wanted her here?”
“I do…I just don’t want it to make you sad.”
My sweet Matty. “Because she’s pregnant, too? And everyone will be pregnant but me?” It’s the first time I’m thinking about this, and truly, it hasn’t occurred to me to be jealous. “Sterre’s no longer pregnant, though. She has babies.”
“And you? What do you want?” He cups my cheek, his eyes tormented. “Do you want to go away somewhere where it’s just you and me?”
“Like…bed? Or the showers?” I study him eagerly. “You are a little sweaty.”
“No, I mean leaving the station behind. Go somewhere you don’t have to be surrounded by babies. I don’t want you to feel as if you’re missing out.”
This big silly male. “I won’t be missing out. I’ll have so many babies to kiss and love that it’ll be exciting. I’m looking forward to it, so much.”
“But none of them will be yours. I don’t want you to feel like you’re missing something.”
I shake my head. “I’ve never been around babies before so I want to see what it’s like. I love the thought of having your babies, but I’m realizing it might be smart to practice with other people’s babies first.” I pause, and then add, “And Little Matty, of course.”
He groans, a reluctant chuckle escaping him. “Please, please don’t call the carinoux that. Zoey will never let me live it down.”
“We’ll see,” I say, knowing I am absolutely not changing the name. “And besides, I’m not sure I want to be pregnant yet. Jade says that early on when she was throwing up, she didn’t feel well enough to have sex with Adiron sometimes, and that she’s tired a lot. I don’t want to do anything that would interfere with us having sex.”
“Helen,” Matty says, and toys with a piece of my lavender hair. “You do know that you have to wait at least a month after having the baby before you can have sex, right?”
I’m horrified. “Are you serious?”
“Very.”
Well that puts a new perspective on things. I’m appalled. “Are you trying to scare me off from wanting babies entirely?”
He laughs, shaking his head. “Of course not. I just want you prepared. And at some point, you’re going to want that baby more than you want sex with me.”
I’m not so sure about that. “I’m happy with how things are, Matty. I don’t want to change anything right now. Maybe I’ll feel differently when the others have their babies and I decide yes, this is absolutely what I want, but for now I like it as we are.”
“I just don’t want you to feel like you’re being held back,” he worries.