I walked over to him. He was gripping the counter and looking down, and I placed my hand over his. “You have no idea how much she means to me. This is the last thing I want to do, but that fucker is in my thoughts. His hold over my wolf is getting stronger.”
“Anything but that, Savy,” he said solemnly.
His breath heated my cheek, and the weight of what I was about to do cut deep. Wolfie would be pissed and hurt, but what other choice did I have? She’d gone silent, and I couldn’t communicate with her.
“It’s the only way I can stay in control.” I squeezed Jaxson’s arm and slipped out of his hold. “Once we get the missing part of my soul back, I’ll have Laurel remove the binding spell.”
Jaxson’s fury was palpable, electric and all-consuming, like it was sucking the air from the room. He looked over at me, a storm raging in his eyes. “I can understand Laurel doing this, but you? Can you really do that to your wolf after all she’s been through?”
Another sob lodged in my throat, and I sucked in a sharp breath. I knew that Jaxson wasn’t intentionally rubbing salt on the wound in my heart—he was just laying out the facts—but it hurt just the same.
“I must,” I whispered. “She’ll understand.”
Jaxson raised his brows. “Will she? The betrayal will cut deeply.”
I lifted my chin, but my body was trembling. “My wolf isn’t there anymore. When I speak to her, the Dark God responds. When I tried to hand over the Soul Knife, he wouldn’t let me. I have no choice.”
“The Moon told us that we need to find a way to heal your wound from the Soul Knife—that’s how he’s controlling you.”
“We’re out of time. I nearly killed my best friend yesterday. Next time he tries to take control, I might do something worse. I’ve already attacked Casey and Aunt Laurel once. If he’d made me use the Soul Knife instead of my wolf form…”
Jaxson stiffened. The disappointment in his eyes hurt more than his anger.
I set my jaw, searching for confidence I didn’t have. “We bind my wolf, and then we find a way to heal my soul. It’s too risky if we do it the other way around. I won’t let him take control again.”
Jaxson turned and strode to the windows, and gazed out over the same city I’d been looking at moments before. What did he see down there? His pack? People worth saving? People worth doing terrible things to protect?
I didn’t dare speak—I just let the reality of the situation do its work. We knew of no other way.
Somehow, I expected his shoulders to drop in defeat, or for him to fly into a rage. But when he turned back to me, his expression was hard and determined. “I hate this, but I will always stand by you.”
I swallowed, realizing that a part of me had wanted him to stop me, to rail against me. But neither of us had that luxury. What had to be done, had to be done.
Stepping close, I wrapped my arms around him. “Thank you.”