22
Savannah
I drew in a shaky breath, staring out the floor-to-ceiling windows of Jaxson’s apartment. Dark clouds rolled in over the lake outside, while a deluge of emotions warred inside me: dread, shock, revulsion at myself for what I’d done.
I set the glowing moonstone and talisman on the counter. Despite the magic coursing off the moonstone, I still felt drained and…broken.
I squeezed my eyes shut, but the image of blood pooling beneath Sam as her lifeless form lay on the ancient stones of the temple rose in my mind. Red seeped into the weathered cracks of the temple floor.
The same red that had covered my hands.
He’d taken control of my wolf.
I’d fought as hard as I could to stop the shift, but he’d made me attack her all the same.
But the thing that twisted my stomach and planted fear in my gut was that a small part of me had actually savored his power as it coursed through my body. I’d felt invincible. Unstoppable. No longer afraid.
It had felt…amazing. And I wanted more.
What did that say about me?
Sam had brushed it off. Forgiven me. Told me it was all right a dozen times. But how could I move past knowing that I’d almost killed the closest thing I had to a best friend?
I had killed her. If not for the Moon, Sam would be dead.
Wolfie? Are you there? We really need to talk.
But there was no response. There hadn’t been since the Dark God had taken control.
I was desperate to hear her voice and terrified that she blamed herself. He had come through her. One second, she’d been there, and the next, she was gone, and it was only him.
Now it seemed there was no one.
If you just need time, I understand.
Thunder cracked outside, and rain began pelting the glass. Dread coiled in my belly, and I felt myself sinking. Drowning under the weight of my shame, fear, and the duty I had to the pack. And beneath it all, a terror that something was truly wrong with my wolf.
What could I possibly do? How could Sam—or even Jaxson—look at me the same way? I was becoming a monster. A puppet. And I had to stop it, whatever the cost. I had to stop him.
Jaxson strode across the kitchen, snapping me out of my storming thoughts. He drew two lowball glasses from the cupboard, and reaching for a bottle of Maker’s Mark, he set the glasses down hard and filled them an inch. He hadn’t said a word since we’d returned, and he watched me now with an intensity that set me ablaze. His mood was dark, violent, and hungry.
Streaks of light illuminated the lake, followed by a deafening rumble. It was like the heavens were mirroring the anguish inside me.
Jaxson moved around the marble island, eating up the distance between us. My pulse quickened. My God, he was a vision. The hard lines of his jaw were set, and his green eyes blazed. Dried sweat and blood painted his neck and thick forearms. A gorgeous, terrifying beast. Heat sparked low in my belly.
I wanted to melt into him. To let him take away some of my anguish, make me forget the demons that haunted my nightmares.
He took a step toward me, and his fingers brushed mine as he handed me a glass. Electricity surged up my arm, and I sucked in a shallow breath. How did this man bring me to my knees with a single touch? With a look.
He said nothing, but his eyes took me in, peeling the hardened layers I’d formed over the past decade to protect myself. Mistrust. Anger. Defiance. They were ways I’d learned to cope with the shit life had thrown at me. But somehow, in this moment, this man stripped them away, one by one, baring my soul. Naked. Exposed. Undone.
My chin trembled, and the impulse to flee rang through me. I hated feeling vulnerable and exposed, weak. But Jaxson held me in place with his gaze, and soon, the inexplicable urge to let go for just one moment beckoned. To get lost in this man and forget everything, just for tonight.
“You have to release that guilt, darling,” he said, his voice rough but tender.
My throat tightened, and I fought the tears that threatened to spill. “It’s not that easy…”
Knowing flashed through his eyes, and his jaw tensed. Anger and aggression pulsed off him, but they weren’t directed at me.
“Let me take some of your burden.” He stepped toward me and brushed his rough fingers over my cheek. I leaned into his touch, wanting to unload my pain and hurt.
“I don’t know how,” I whispered.
And that was the honest-to-God truth. I’d never opened myself up to anyone before, and I wasn’t sure I knew how to do it. Maybe I was too broken and fucked up. Hot tears flooded my eyes, and I looked away.
But Jaxson took my chin and tilted my face up to his. Though his features were harsh, his eyes were soft, his touch tender. “You need to lean on me. You need to let me stand by your side and help you fight your battles.”
A tear broke free and spilled down my cheek. Jaxson rubbed it away with his thumb, and his gaze dropped to my lips. “You’ve been fighting on your own for too long. You did what you had to in order to survive, but you have to stop carrying everything on your shoulders. You’ve got the pack. You’ve got me.”