“A painstaking process that takes many days, my dear. The staff has their instructions,” he says.
“I see. Are you finished with your business?” I ask.
“I’m all yours now.”
“Good. Come with me.” I take his hand and swish out of the room, closing the door behind me. I walk us over to the sectioned-off right wing and step around the blockade.
CK plants his feet. “No,” he says, pulling on my hand.
“Yes,” I say. “Come.”
He looks at me with a pained expression. “No. Liv, please,” he says quietly.
Startled by the use of my current name – I had gotten used to him calling me Aefre again – and his tone, I study his reaction to stepping across the threshold.
“I need to tell you something. I need a visual aid. It’s this way,” I say as I pull on his hand again. “Come. It’s important,” I press.
His desire to do as I say wins out over whatever is stopping him from going to this part of the castle.
He hesitantly steps around the blockade. I tighten my grip on his fingers as we walk in silence down the corridor. The only sound is our bare feet padding on the thick Windsor carpet. I note, with interest, that this part of the castle was reconstructed and modernized along with the rest, but it has been neglected, uncared for. I turn right and then left and there it is: The dreaded room. The thick wooden door is closed but unlocked. I turn the handle.
CHAPTER SIXTY
P ushing it open, I stand just on the brink, not really wanting to go in.
“Aefre. What are we doing here?” he asks, breaking the silence.
Drawing in a deep breath, I make a massive effort to walk into the room, taking him with me. Then, I let go of his hand. It’s time to get over this, once and for all.
“I know what happened in this room. I just want you to know that. I’m tired of playing this game,” I say.
He looks genuinely confused and it annoys me further. “What do you mean?” he asks.
“The day I left you in 1112, I was expecting you in my bedroom. The candle burned down a ring and you still hadn’t arrived,” I start, my hands shaking at the memory. If I must run it down for him, then so be it. I continue, “I went in search of you. The servants in the kitchens told me that I could find you in the right wing. I came up here and stopped at each door until I found you. In here.” I look at him then, watching me, his expression unreadable. “With her,” I spit out with venom, “with Eloise.”
A spark of recognition flares in his wary eyes, but he remains silent, clearly still expecting more from this story.
Well, fine then. I will give it to him blow by blow. “The door was half open and I peeked through the crack. You were half naked and had a satisfied air, a ‘just-fucked’ glow about you. You were talking to her in her language, but I didn’t understand. She giggled at something you said. As you sat down on the bed, you closed your eyes and breathed in her scent deeply. She stripped off her robe and sank her fangs into your neck. That’s when I ran. I ran as far away from you as I could because you had betrayed me. You told me I was the only one! The only one allowed to bite you,” I repeat with force. “Everything else I could handle. I was dealing with it, but that, that hurt me more than you will ever know. I gave you everything, and you couldn’t even give me that one thing that you promised me in return. You claim not to know why I left, well, that is why.” I finish up my impassioned tale feeling weak and shaky. I close my eyes at his silence, trying to regain some of my composure.
My eyes flick open again as he finally speaks. “I did give you that one thing,” he says in a voice so pained, it makes my heart ache, despite my feelings of anger. “Aefre, you should not have run, my sweet,” he says, crossing over to me and taking my hands.
“I know what I saw,” I mumble.
“No, no, no!” he yells suddenly. He spins around, his fist flying into the solid wooden door, splintering it into a million pieces. My hand automatically goes up to protect my heart from the flying bits of wood. I step back, not afraid of him, but wary of this rare show of emotion. He drops his head into his hands. “No, Aefre. You don’t know what you saw,” he says, his voice hoarse.
“Constantine…” I shake my head.
“Aefre, no,” he says, ordering me to shut it. “Yes, I was in here. With her. But not like that. I was in here when I should have been with you because I was anxious about seeing you. I had something to tell you that night, something important. It made me agitated. I needed a…release,” he croaks out, looking away from me. I gulp as I know what kind of release he means. I pull my robe tighter around me, keeping my arms close.
“When the servants came back to take her away, Eloise showed up with them out of nowhere. I had no idea she was coming. When you say that you saw me breathe in her scent that wasn’t the case. I sensed you. Or rather, part of you. It was you, but it wasn’t. It confused me momentarily, distracted me as I tried to figure out what it was. That is when she tried to feed from me. I swear to you, Aefre, as soon as I felt her, I ripped her fangs from my neck. I didn’t betray you. I swear it.” He looks at me, begging me to believe him. “If you had stayed just another second, you would have seen it.”
The tears well up and start to fall silently down my cheeks as I realize that he is telling me the truth. That what I thought had happened, didn’t. I let my hatred and jealousy of Eloise, my mistrust of him, cloud my judgment. I ran from him, when I should have stayed.
He wipes my tears away with his thumbs. “I am sorry, Aefre. If I had been with you when I should have been, this would never have happened. If I didn’t have this thing inside of me, this monster, we would have been together. It is all my fault. You were hurting because you thought I had betrayed you. I gave you a reason to doubt me, more than a reason. A dozen reasons. You left me and everything that happened after that, happened because of me. Lance happened to you because of me. Can you ever forgive me?” he asks, dropping to his knees as my mouth opens in shock at his words and his actions.
I fall to my knees then as well, taking his face in my hands. I say, “No. You cannot blame yourself. I won’t let you blame yourself for this. Certainly, not for Lance’s actions. I should have stayed and found out the truth. I should have trusted you enough to know that you meant what you said. I have lived with this weighing on my mind for nine hundred years, blaming you for betraying me, when I should have been blaming that bitch.” I smile softly at him and he returns it weakly.
“I get it now, your loathing of her. I wish you had told me all of this sooner. We could have fixed it. Actually, if I am wishing for things, it would be that it never happened in the first place. Who knows, maybe we would have been together all this time,” he says wistfully.