Jerking and twitching on top of me, Asher bites down harder, wishing he could somehow physically brand me. If there’s one thing he wants that he’ll never have it’s to place a mark of his choosing upon me.
When the last twitch and flutter finally passes through our limbs, he slides his fangs out of my shoulder and rolls onto his side, taking me with him.
Panting hard, he says, “From now on, whenever you feel hunger, you feed from me. I don’t care if I’m sleeping or dying, you bite me and drink. Do you understand?”
My blood still buzzing, I automatically nod my head.
Growling, Asher grabs me by the chin and forces me to look at him. “I mean it, Chloe. Whenever you hunger, come to me. I will be your nourishment.”
A sharp, tingling sensation spreads over me, the force behind his words sinking deep beneath my flesh.
“Okay,” I breathe out.
Satisfied with my answer, Asher finally begins to relax. His fingers loosen around my chin and his thumb strokes against my cheek.
“Good. I will feed enough for the both of us.”
I can’t have you running around, starving, when you could be carrying my child at this very second.
“What?” I blink at him, trying to untangle the thought from what he spoke out loud.
Asher arches a brow. “I said I will eat enough for the both of us.”
His face the picture of innocence, I convince myself I must have heard him wrong.
Nodding, I ache to sink down, to relax and rest against him, but his grip suddenly tightens around my chin.
Stiffening with tension once more, Asher stares hard at me. “Do you still hate me?”
I don’t need the bond to tell me such a thought truly worries him. Not only did I discover it earlier in my rage, I see it in his eyes and the tight set of his jaw.
Searching inside myself, I look for the hate I felt only a few moments ago and can’t find it. Not a single trace.
I know there was truth in my words when I spoke them, simply amplified by the state I was in.
For so long, he was the cause of all my troubles. The cause of my misery. Before he found me, how could I not blame him for the kind of life I had to live?
It was all a lie, though. One of many the Order fed me.
One I happily allowed myself to use as a crutch.
It’s always easier to be the victim, isn’t it? To blame others for your troubles.
But he had no choice in this. No more choice than I had.
Recognizing that, how can I possibly hate him?
“No,” I say vehemently, and would shake my head if he wasn’t gripping my chin so hard.
Unconvinced, Asher continues to stare at me, his doubt evident. “Are you sure?”
Making me second-guess myself, I frown and search through my feelings for him again. There’s no hate. No animosity. But I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I’m still uneasy and struggling with accepting that I’m a vampire bound for eternity to another vampire.
Never did I let myself think of what it would be like to be turned. The mere thought too terrifying for contemplation. I truly longed for the promise of Heaven. The promise of everlasting joy and freedom from every burden.
I don’t hate, Asher. No, I absolutely do not hate him, but knowing he’s a killer…
That I’m a killer…
It’s a lot to swallow.
Throat tightening and tears stinging my eyes, I say, “I’m sure.”
Gaze filling with concern, Asher frowns, and I sense him probing at our bond.
I open myself to him, letting him feel what I’m feeling, only hoping to clear his doubt.
Discovering what is truly bothering me, Asher sighs and releases my chin. Pulling me into his chest, he hugs me tight to him. “My love, you cannot spend the rest of eternity racked with guilt for existing. Trust me, I’ve seen it before. You’ll go mad.”
When I only hug him tighter, he nuzzles the top of my head. “Everything kills to live. Everything. Even those that only eat plants… they are still killing for their sustenance.”
Closing my eyes, I nod. “I know that, it’s just easier when you don’t have to do it yourself. When you can go to the store and buy your food in clean packages.”
“Indeed,” Asher agrees then he chuckles. “I suppose until you can overcome this, I will be your willing clean package.”
I smile, both grateful and in awe that he’s willing to do that for me.
Then what he said earlier, when he was standing behind Isaac, replays inside my head.
The things I’m willing to do for you…
At once, my mood crashes.
No longer crazed with hunger, my actions come back to haunt me.
Filling me with a deep sense of shame.
I wasn’t in my right mind, but that’s no excuse...