And that’s what she deserves.
Taking in a breath to steady myself, I go to my next appointment, using work as a distraction. I have a fifteen-minute break before my next appointment, and I go into my office, shutting the door behind me. I put my head in my hands and open up a text to Josie. There are a million things I want to say to her, but none should be said via text.
There’s no doubt in my mind that she’s the only one for me. As soon as I saw her today, all I wanted to do was pull her against me, feeling her tits crush against my chest. I wanted to reach down, slipping my hand between her legs when no one was looking to see how wet I can make her just by kissing her in public.
But a clear-cut plan: I don’t have one. I used to see wedding bells and babies in my future, but I just don’t know for certain anymore. I was so close to walking down that path and then I found out nearly two years of my life were just an illusion. My serious relationship was a joke to Lisa. Being so easily fooled made me rethink everything, and telling myself I’d never go through that again became a safety net. My phone vibrates in my hand, and I jump, not sure if I want it to be Josie or not.
Again, it’s Mason. I almost don’t answer this time but end up taking the call at the last minute.
“Hello?”
“Hey, bro,” he says back. “Just calling to make sure you didn’t fuck things up with Josie yet.” I don’t answer right away and Mason loudly inhales. “You did, didn’t you?”
“I think I did, but I was trying to do the right thing by being honest.”
“Honesty is overrated. What happened?”
“She asked if I knew what I wanted long-term and I said I didn’t know.”
“Do you know what you want?”
“Yeah. Her. But that’s all I know. She has a clear picture in her head, and I don’t and I didn’t want to promise her anything I can’t. I just…I just know since we met that I can’t imagine a future without her in it.”
“Then why didn’t you say that?”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I don’t know.”
“Go fucking tell her, you moron. You had a quite literal brain fart due to a deep-rooted fear of abandonment and rejection that you need to get the fuck over, by the way. Not everyone is going to screw you over like fucking Lisa.”
“I don’t know what to say to Josie. Saying what you just said doesn’t have the best ring to it.”
“You spent like half our childhood holed up in the barn with books. You’re telling me in all that time, you never read a fucking romance novel to clue you in?”
“Eh, the guys in romance novels are typically eloquent.”
“Dude, tell her what you told me. But I don’t get it…how many times did you say one-nighters weren’t your thing. I took that as you wanting to settle down.”
“I do, I just…I don’t want to disappoint her.”
Mason pauses for a second. “I think that’s her call, man. If you’re a disappointment, then she can leave your sorry ass. Not trying out of fear of what could happen is worse than trying and failing.”
“That might be the best advice you’ve ever given me.”
“You all underestimate me when it comes to relationships but look who pushed Sam and Chloe together.”
“Yeah, but you pretended to hit on Chloe just to piss Sam off.”
“It worked.”
“It did,” I say, giving him credit.
“Go to her,” Mason presses. “Tell her what you just said and then fuck her brains out. Oh! I see something illegal. Update me later.” He ends the call but not before I hear what sounds like gunshots and someone shouting.
Putting the phone down, I pull up my schedule, having forgotten everything going on for the day. I have a sick cat coming in next, and then three annual wellness exams after that. Picking up the phone on my desk, I dial up to the receptionists and do something I’ve never done: say I’m not feeling well and need to go home after my next appointment. Dr. Spencer is here and may be able to take one of the wellness exams, but nothing is critical and it can be rescheduled if the other two vets can’t fit them in today.
My heart is in my throat and remains there throughout my next appointment. The cat has a sinus infection, which isn’t serious now but could get worse if left untreated. The owner is a middle-aged woman who’s concerned and confused as to how her cat got sick, and I do my best to be patient and answer questions, but dammit, I need to get to Josie.