Though, this time, it’s not just from the fear of not being able to run the rescue…no…something else is eating at me and it’s stemming from Louisa’s innocent comment about my lack of a love life. I never felt like I didn’t deserve love, but I’m not naïve either.
I have a teenage daughter who means the world to me and, while I would never in a million years call her “baggage,” I know how single parents are stigmatized in the dating world.
But the biggest thing—and the one I actively avoid even allowing myself to think about—is how broken I still am. I never fully healed after Josh left me alone with a newborn, and it’s not because I was still in love with him.
No, my feelings came and went once I realized what a piece of shit he was. I never fully healed because if my heart stayed broken, I wouldn’t be foolish enough to give it to anyone else.
Chapter Thirty-Three
JACOB
“Hey, buddy,” I say softly as I undo the latch and step into Pongo’s stall. The gelding nickers to me, coming over and nosing my pocket for treats. “Wanna take a walk outside?”
Pongo has made a lot of improvement in the last few days. He still has a long way to go but I'm feeling almost confident enough to say he's almost out of the woods. People fail to realize just how motivating and inspiring it can be to see an animal like this, who has known nothing but cruelty the last few years of his life, fight so hard for a chance to keep going. This horse has a will to live.
He's lucky that Kim got to him in time.
After giving him a quick exam, I unhook his IV and cap the port. I clip a lead rope to his halter and give him one of the treats from my pocket. Walking slowly, I lead him outside and he holds his head high, nostrils flared, eyes wide. “You're all right buddy,” I soothe, petting his neck.
I lead him around the back of the barn, taking him to a grassy spot to graze. I have another wellness exam in just a few minutes, but I needed a moment like this to myself. My schedule isn't as hectic and nonstop as it was before, now that I’ve hired the new vets, but today was still rough. I just put a dog to sleep after a year-long battle with cancer. The dog’s owners wouldn't be in the room with him as he slipped away, saying it was “too sad.” Instead, this dog’s final moments were spent with just myself and a tech. We’re basically strangers and being at the clinic was stressful enough for the dog.
Of course, I understand how hard it is to see an animal you've loved for years pass away, but it's even harder for an animal to take their final breaths without the only family they've ever known in the room with them. Being with an animal until the end is a responsibility you need to be able to handle. And if you can't, then pet ownership isn't for you.
We’re nearing the end of the workday, but Friday evenings always get a little busy as people try to squeeze in appointments before the weekend. I run my hand over Pongo’s fur, and I start to feel a little better already. It's been several years since I owned a horse of my own and I always assumed I would get one once my schedule slowed down. While I don't think I'll ever have time to get a horse that requires to be ridden frequently, or is in need of a lot of training, the thought of having a companion horse much like Pongo here brings me comfort.
Though my schedule is not as hectic as it was before, getting a horse really isn’t feasible. I have the land, but it's not set up as a pasture. We have several small paddocks reserved for patients, and the only barn I have is the one at the clinic. I’d have to clear out the rest of the backyard and build a new barn, which are both big projects within themselves.
“Maybe someday,” I say to Pongo, and give him a few more minutes to graze before we go back inside. My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I hesitate for a moment before answering it. Though, instead of an unknown number from one of my many clients calling me out for an emergency, I see my sister’s name.
“Hello?” I answer.
“Hey!” Rory says cheerfully “What are you doing?
“Wanna take a guess?”
“Ha, sure. But only if we make a bet that if I'm right you owe me dinner.”
“I don't think this is going to be a fair bet,” I reply with a laugh.
“Probably not because I know you're at work, right?”