I'm trying not to regret letting her go to her friend’s house after school. That was all I wanted for her: to make friends. And she has, and she seems happier than ever. But man, I could really use her help right now. Refusing to let myself think about how much more difficult next week will be, I run my hand over Thor's neck.
Though, the harder I try not to think about things that will stress me out, the louder the voices get in my head. We're spreading Aunt Kim's ashes tonight and then Mom, Dad, and Elijah need to get back to their lives tomorrow. I have the rest of the week off of work, and I was really hoping to make a quick drive to Indy to get some of our much-needed stuff from the house. But I have that clinic this weekend, and it turns out it's only about half an hour away. I really can't turn down the chance to talk to local feed store owners or other vendors. I'm going to need all the help I can get affording this place until my house in Indianapolis sells.
I've never been more thankful to be an overpacker in my life, and I'm hoping that maybe next weekend I'll be able to make a quick run to Indy to gather up as much as I can. Realistically, I probably won't be able to get my house ready to go on the market until Ev is done with school and I can count on her, Maria, and Heather to take care of the horses for a weekend. The last time I moved, I didn't have nearly as much stuff as Everly and I do now. I know I'm overestimating how much I can get done in one weekend.
Jacob was right to say I can't rely on a teenager to help me run a rescue. As much as Everly wants to contribute, she's a kid, and I don't want to take away her childhood by putting adult responsibilities on her. My own childhood was cut short, but that was due to my own choices. Choices I lived with and choices I don't regret. But I still remember how hard it was being a new mom at seventeen, watching my friends go off and do normal teenage things.
I get Thor put away and start bringing in the rest of the horses from the pasture. Crystal sent an email with a care plan for Freya, and I have a few adjustments to make to her feed tonight. I open the email on my phone, reading it as I lead horses into the barn. Everyone is in a major need of brushing, and I can only hope Everly and Maria will offer to groom the horses after dinner. Henry and Harry, the llamas, will need to be sheared at some point this summer as well, which is something I know absolutely nothing about.
I've learned a lot from watching YouTube videos, but I'm not sure if this is something I want to attempt on my own. Llamas might not be as big and powerful as horses, but they can still kick and bite with enough force to hurt you. And that's not to mention the fact that they can spit on you when they're angry. The only person that I know of right now to ask for help with any of these things is Jacob. As I close Odin’s stall door and step into the aisle, I remember all too well how good it felt to have Jacob standing so close to me, looking into my eyes as he pulled hay out of my hair.
There's a combination of things that I find alluring. The emotion hidden in his deep blue eyes. The way he smells like a mixture of laundry detergent, soap, and sweet feed from working with livestock during the day. He's confident in what he does, and seeing the way he interacts with animals makes my ovaries want to explode. But he's cocky, a know-it-all, and doesn't have the best bedside manner with his clients. I'm drawn to him because I find him physically pleasing, that's all. It's been a long time since I have been with a man, and I can't fault myself for craving the physical touch from someone I who is very attractive to me.
Shaking my head, I glance back at the email, making sure I remember the measurements correctly. I get the rest of the horses brought in by the time Heather pulls down the driveway, stopping by the barn.
Heather cleans out the chicken coop while I scoop up manure in the paddock near the run-in shelter. The girls are supposed to be feeding the horses and I'm annoyed when I go back into the barn and see them doing some sort of TikTok dance in front of Freya’s stall instead of serving the grain.