I get everything set up for Mr. Meowster and then lug all our stuff inside. The house always felt small when my family of five crammed in, but it’s the perfect size for someone who lives alone. There are two tiny bedrooms upstairs, along with a full bathroom. There’s a kitchen with a dining area, and a living room downstairs, and the previous owners added a master suite at the back of the house. It’s rather modern compared to the rest of the 1920s era farmhouse, but it’s functional, and that’s what matters, right?
Aunt Kim and Everly come inside about half an hour later, and I’m still trying to figure out what to do with all our stuff. I definitely over-packed and there is no room at all in the kitchen for my composter. I laugh at myself for even thinking about bringing it.
The rest of the evening goes by fast as Everly and I settle in and help Aunt Kim with the animals. After getting ready for bed, Everly goes upstairs to FaceTime Alma, telling her all about the horses. Wrapping a blanket around my shoulders, I go outside and sit on the porch swing. The sound of crickets fills the night and soft light glows inside the barn. Closing my eyes, I tip my head up and try to soak it all in, wanting to find that inner peace people keep talking about.
“You all right, kiddo?” Aunt Kim asks, screen door creaking loudly as she joins me on the porch.
“In theory.” I open my eyes and smile, taking the steaming cup of tea Aunt Kim extends to me.
She sits on a rocking chair on the other side of the door. “What’s on your mind?”
“I have no idea what I’m doing,” I confess, looking out at the dark yard. “Let alone if I’m doing the right thing. Am I running away from our problems? Teaching Ev to pack it up and run when the going gets tough? Or am I protecting my daughter and showing her that you don’t have to stay in a bad situation. People and places can be toxic and leaving that behind can be the hardest thing to do—harder than staying and putting up with it. Because trust me, I know how much strength you need to leave a bad situation sometimes.”
Aunt Kim is quiet for a moment and then inhales. “Well, I think you’re doing just fine. You’ve been through more than most people your age have been through and you haven’t given up. And you’re raising quite the amazing kid in there.”
“Thanks.” I bring the tea to my lips and take a drink only to cough and choke on it. “What’s in this?”
“Whiskey.” Aunt Kim laughs. “It’s from a local distillery too.”
Now that I know what to expect, I take a tiny sip. I don’t drink often. I started to rely on it to ease my anxiety a few years ago. Realizing I was heading down a dangerous path of poor coping mechanisms, I’m careful with when and what I drink.
“Don’t be too hard on yourself, honey,” Aunt Kim goes on. “You know what they say when you make plans.”
“God laughs,” I finish and sigh, setting the tea on the porch railing. “I know. I just…I just want to do right by Everly.”
“From what I’ve seen over the years that girl is lucky to have you as her mother.” She takes a drink of her own tea and looks out at the barn. “You can learn a lot from horses. Patience, persistence, you know that. But one thing I’ve learned from them is to worry about what needs to be worried about. Horses don’t go out into a pasture waiting for the wolf to attack. They graze—happily—until danger is presented. Then they react.”
“Must be nice not to obsessively worry about what could happen.”
Aunt Kim chuckles. “Those girls—they were the wolves. You did the right thing taking Everly away from there.”
“Thanks. And I agree, but what about school? There’s no promise they’ll let her finish remotely.”
“Enroll her here.”
“The school year is almost over. I honestly don’t know if you can enroll this late in the year. And I feel like I should know that.”
“I’m sure you can at any public school. And the year goes until the first week of June here.”
“Oh. Well, then she’d have nearly a month.” My eyes fall shut and I feel like I’m hurtling through the dark again. What’s worse for a fourteen-year-old girl: starting at a new school at the end of the year or going back to a place you hate, with kids who bully you, and administration who does jack shit?
Either one is going to be hard, and I know what I’d choose if I were fourteen and in that situation. I just hope I make the right choice for her.