Then I was back. Awake.
A shot of pain kicked up my side as if to remind me I was still healing from my injuries I’d sustained when we’d gone up against the Black Mage a few days ago. My heart took up a heavy thump, then I jerked upright in my apartment. Everything in my body was on high alert now and someone was pounding at my door. I took a few deep breaths to settle myself down, then pushed off the desk, using my furniture to brace myself as I made it to the door.
I opened it, expecting Fin. But it was Hawk who stood glaring on the other side, arm raised to give my door another beating.
“Don’t you answer your phone?” he grumbled.
He wore a black t-shirt and jeans, heavy boots, and a glower he reserved only for me. His biceps barely fit into his shirt.
I shrugged. “Nah, I stopped answering it. Means people show up at my house and annoy me in person instead.”
“I’ve been calling you for two days.”
He scanned my features, no doubt catching sight of the yellowing bruises and purple smudges across my arms and neck. “You look like shit.”
I opened the door wider and gestured for him to come in. “Aw, Hawk, you big softie, you always know just what to say to make a girl feel good.”
He entered and assessed my apartment the same way he did my face. Then he spun to face me, enormous arms crossed. “When are you coming back to work?”
I glanced behind me like he’d been speaking to someone else. “Uh, did you miss the part where the chief fired me?”
His eyes narrowed. “I was there, remember? You deserved it, but the chief misses you. I hate seeing him mope around and pretending like your desk doesn’t exist. He won’t let anyone else touch it. You know you’re his favorite.”
“So why couldn’t he come here and tell me that himself? You his emotional support animal now too?”
He threw up his hands. “I know you have to
be the biggest bitch in the room, but I can see you are wrapped in something you can’t handle. Let us help you so you can finish the job and come home.”
He plopped down into the oversized chair by the window, dwarfing the dark gray piece of furniture I spent most of my time in. “I’m not leaving until we figure this whole thing out and I convince you to come back.
I sagged and then winced from the pain it caused in my ribs. I took the couch opposite him and eased myself into it. “I’m on a case. You know that, but it’s not that I can’t handle it—it’s that we went into something, and it didn’t go as planned.”
“And how often did that happen when you were at the office?”
“Never,” I mumbled.
He didn’t even bother making me repeat myself so he could gloat. “Exactly. Let us help you.”
“It’s not that simple.”
Hawk leaned forward and braced his forearms on top of his knees. “Look, if it's about the money, you know the chief isn’t going to let you starve.”
“Even when I actually might have starved, I didn’t ask for help,” I said with a glare. “This isn’t about the money. To be fair, it sweetened the deal, but now, I just want to see this bastard in a noose.”
We stared at each other, the silence tense and uncomfortable, but neither of us willing to break it.
Then, he slapped his beefy hands on his knees and stood. With a sharp nod, he walked toward the door and opened it.
Before he left, he turned back and met my eyes. There was something soft there, something gentle when he looked at me. It gave me another pang for home.
I couldn’t let him walk out the door like that, not without a bit more of an explanation.
“Hawk, it’s not that I don’t miss you guys or miss the chief. I can’t bring myself to come back, not after what I did, not without finishing this first. If I come back now, I’ll never leave again, and I'll always wonder if I could’ve avenged my parent’s deaths.”
Hawk nodded and walked out the door, closing it softly behind him.
I sank back into the couch and scrubbed my hands down my face with a long groan. Despite what I had said to Hawk, I really had no idea what to do next. Not without Fin.