“Is this always how it is with all of you?” yet another voice asked, this one heavily accented.
“No. Wait. Yes. Mostly. Sometimes, I smash things.”
“Oh my gods, you guys are so loud
,” I groaned. “I can’t even pass out, have visions, and then wake up in peace. Sweet fucking molasses.”
“He’s not making any sense!” Gary cried. “He must be crazed. I can still slap him.”
I opened my eyes.
Many faces peered down at me.
“Why does this keep happening to me?” I moaned.
“Waking up on your back without really remembering what you’ve been doing the night before?” Kevin asked sympathetically. “Invite me next time. Let you find out what a real man tastes like, not some twinky little dragon.”
“I am not a twink,” Zero said. “I refuse to let you label me into something I want no part—”
“I didn’t have sex with him,” I growled. “What the hell.”
“Hey, no judgments.”
“Kevin.”
“Yes, Sam?”
“Shut the fuck up.”
“Shutting up, Sam.”
“You okay?” Ryan asked me, crouched at my side. He helped me sit up, and I closed my eyes against the way my stomach rolled.
“Yeah,” I muttered. “I just need a minute.”
“What the hell happened?”
“How long was I out?”
“I don’t know,” Ryan said. “It’s almost dawn. I woke up and you were gone. I found you in here, passed out with Zero above you.”
“I didn’t attack him,” Zero said petulantly. “I wouldn’t hurt him.”
“He didn’t,” I said before Ryan could follow through with the look he shot the snake dragon. “It was…. I had a vision. I think.”
Gary leaned down until we were eye level, his nose almost pressed against my face. “You trippin’ balls, son? How many Garys do you see?”
“Too many,” I said, shoving his face away as he cackled.
“What happened?”
“Zero agreed to help us, his face touched my face, I passed out and became a constellation and talked with the star dragon who hinted that he’s rooting for us but that he can’t exactly come out and say that. Oh, and I also called him a dick. You know. The usual.”
Everyone gaped at me.
I sighed. “I don’t know why you’re all acting so surprised. This is the kind of shit that happens to us all the godsdamned time. I’m actually getting kind of sick of it. For once, why can’t I just be a normal twentysomething who goes out and gets drunk and ends up having sloppy drunk sex with his boyfriend while eating cake off his ass?”
The gaping continued.