“We playing games?” Tiggy asked. “Jump on Knight Delicious Face?”
“What? No, no jumping on Knight Delicious—”
“Yes, Tiggy!” I cried. “Jump on him! Squash him flat!”
Tiggy crowed happily as he started running toward us.
Ryan and I stopped struggling. “This may have been a very bad idea,” I breathed.
“We’re so fucked,” Ryan agreed.
“Watch your mouth, oh my gods, think of the children you ass—oomph!”
What happened next I would take full responsibility for, even if the argument could be made that we wouldn’t have even been in this mess if I’d never been born, so blame could also rest mostly with my parents. Damn them and their libido.
Tiggy slammed into us.
Ryan and I were knocked off our feet.
We landed on the ground with a crash.
Ryan’s hand struck the dirt.
The rock bounced out of his hand.
“Noooooo,” I said, because everything felt like it was moving in slow motion. “Sommeonnnnne geeeeet theee rooooooooooock!”
But alas, it was no use.
We watched as the rock rolled toward the edge.
And it started tipping toward the edge—
But then it fell back onto solid ground.
It didn’t go over.
We all breathed a sigh of relief. The gods were smiling down upon us! Oh joy, oh happy day, I could just shit, I was so happy—
Then Tiggy sneezed, the force of which sent the rock careening over the edge.
“Excuse me,” Tiggy sniffed as he wiped his nose. “Pollen. Itchy.”
The gods hated us.
And we all cringed as the rock seemed to bounce off every part of the wall it could. In the history of the world, I doubted there’d ever been a louder noise. It was as if the dome was literally crashing down around us while a thousand birds shrieked and a group of children played their instruments in a concert that parents have to attend and clap and pretend to love, but really are all regretting not practicing safe sex.
Add to the fact that the large hole was apparently all the way down to the center of the world, as it seemed to stretch on for a good few minutes. I winced with every crash and bang, sure that at any moment, a nightmare was going to crawl out of the hole and come for us. It probably didn’t help that the hum in my head had all but ceased as soon as the rock began to make its way down. Which, you know.
Probably wasn’t a good sign.
Eventually, the noise fell away.
We stayed quietly where we had fallen in a tangle of limbs, Ryan on the bottom, me lying on top of him, Tiggy above both of us, propped up on his hands so he didn’t actually crush us under his considerable weight.
We barely breathed.
Nothing happened.