I nodded. “Thank you. That’s a relief, man. And I’m sure there’s a great dude or chick out there for you, you know? Hey! Justin’s single! How do you feel about royalty?”
He smiled at me. “Why don’t we just work on surviving first?”
“It’s been longer than a minute!” I heard Gary shriek behind us. “So, there I was, not even thinking about how my hoof was about to go into a dragon’s asshole when suddenly—”
Fuck my life.
Chapter 15: That One Time Kevin Was Possessed
THE FEAST Vadoma threw in our honor was held in a massive square in the middle of Mashallaha, strings of large paper lanterns stretching out above us. The night air was warm, and the palm trees swayed. People were laughing and shouting, well into their cups by the time I arrived.
I hadn’t seen Ryan when I’d gotten back to Vadoma’s. He wasn’t in the room that we’d been given for the duration of our stay, though our bags were placed at the foot of the bed. Tiggy had said he’d gone off with Kevin to check out the rest of the city. I knew he’d made it seem like he was sightseeing, but as was ingrained in him as a knight, he was most likely running the perimeter, fanning out in circles around Vadoma’s, memorizing every path in and out in case we needed to escape. Strangely enough, that happened to us quite a lot, so I didn’t blame him for doing it.
But I also knew he was avoiding me. Or rather, letting me avoid him. We were assholes like that.
There had been clothes left for me on the foot of the bed. They were soft and brightly colored, the material thinner than what I was used to. The dark green vest had a hood attached, which Gary made me pull up and over my head. “It’ll make you look more mysterious like a wizard should be,” he’d said. “And not like you’re some seventeen-year-old apprentice twink.”
“I’m not a godsdamned twink—”
“Isn’t it funny how the louder you get, the less I listen to you? I wonder why that is.”
The trousers sat low on my hips, held up by a black sash tied around my waist.
“It’s a good thing you manscape,” Gary said approvingly. “Don’t need no man bush trying to crawl out the waistband and scaring the locals.”
I looked at my reflection in the mirror. “I look like I work at a brothel in Meridian City.”
“Yes, how about that. Tiggy! Hold him still just like we planned!”
“Wait, what? Tiggy, don’t you fucking—”
Tiggy came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me, then fell back until he sat on the bed. The frame groaned at the weight but didn’t collapse. My arms were trapped at my sides, and my legs were held between his. And it was about that time that I noticed Gary carried a makeup brush between his teeth, a determined look on his face.
“I will curse the both of you,” I snarled at him. “I’m not a girl. I don’t need makeup.”
“Boys can wear makeup,” Tiggy said. “Not just for women. That a social construct.”
I tilted my head back to gape at him.
He shrugged and leaned down to kiss my forehead.
“You are the wisest half-giant I have ever known,” I said reverently.
He was pleased at this, even if he was the only half-giant I had ever known. He was still pretty fucking wise.
“Fine,” I said, looking back at Gary. “But I expect to look like a high-class working girl, not one of those that looks like they work the docks at the Port. You hear me?”
Gary rolled his eyes before descending upon me.
“Okay,” I said when they’d let me up again so I could look in the mirror. “I would totally pay to have sex with me, oh my gods. Why don’t I wear this all the time? I look epic!”
And I did. He’d used the eye shadow sparin
gly, just enough to create a smoky look around my eyes, almost like I was wearing a mask. Coupled with the hood over my head, the vest opened against my chest, I looked like I could fight crime and get nailed by businessmen, all in the same day. It was glorious.
“Ryan’s gonna get such a boner over me,” I breathed. And maybe then we could stop fighting and fuck around.
“Ugh,” Gary said. “There are just some things you don’t want to hear from your older sister.”