“Afraid of him?” Gary said, shocked. “Who in their right mind would be afraid of a skinny little twink like him? He weighs like four pounds.”
“Hey!” I barked. “I’m not a twink! And I’ve been working out! I have abs. Okay, maybe just one.”
We all stared at my bare stomach. Not much going on there.
“Fine,” I said with a scowl. “But I’m not a twink.”
Gary rolled his eyes. “Yeah, okay. Sure you’re not.”
“Little twinky Sam,” Tiggy said. “Mens in your yard because of milkshakes.”
“I don’t even want to know what that means,” Ryan said. “Like most of the things you guys talk about. But you should probably take a look at this.”
He handed the parchment over to me, and I felt everyone else crowd around me, trying to read over my shoulder. I was annoyed for a second, but it fell away as soon as I saw the words printed on the page in large, blocky letters.
ATTENTION! ATTENTION! ATTENTION!
SAM OF WILDS IS THE SCOURGE OF VERANIA!
FOR TOO LONG, HE HAS BEEN GIVEN FREE REIN!
HE HAS ACTED WITHOUT REGARD TO HIS FELLOW VERANIANS!
AREN’T YOU TIRED OF PAYING FOR SAM’S MISTAKES?
THE CRIMES OF SAM OF WILDS:
—GOT THE PRINCE KIDNAPPED
—CAUSED UNTOLD AMOUNT OF DAMAGE TO THRONE ROOM
—HAS BEADY LITTLE EYES THAT ARE CONNIVING
—A HOME-WRECKER WHO DESTROYS HAPPY AND LOVING RELATIONSHIPS
—PROBABLY CURSES PEOPLE TO DO HIS BIDDING
—HAS DONE OTHER THINGS THAT ARE ILLEGAL
—IS FRIENDS WITH A UNICORN IN AN INTERSPECIES RELATIONSHIP WITH A DRAGON
—WHICH IS GROSS
—SUBJECTS THE MAGNIFICENT PRINCE JUSTIN TO HIS STUPIDITY
SAM OF WILDS CAME FROM THE SLUMS!
HE WAS NOT QUALIFIED TO BE THE KING’S WIZARD!
WAS HE EVEN BORN IN VERANIA?
SHOW US HIS BIRTH CERTIFICATE!
WE THE PEOPLE DEMAND IT!
IF YOU HATE SAM OF WILDS AS MUCH AS WE DO, THEN IT’S TIME TO FIGHT BACK!
PICK UP YOUR SIGNS!