I was an expert at conflict resolution.
It didn’t mean, however, that I couldn’t appreciate the results of his strict regimen that found him here once, if not twice daily. Ryan Foxheart took the role of Knight Commander very seriously, even if the knights under him constantly gave him shit. He was good at what he did, and I was proud of him. And of his abs. And chest. And arms. And thighs.
Especially his thighs.
The crowd that had gathered spilled out of the entrance to the gym, people buzzing excitedly as they tried to peer over one another to get a glimpse of whatever was happening inside. I tried to push my way through, but the crowd was too thick, and no one seemed to give a damn that I wanted to ogle Ryan just like they were.
“This is some bullshit right here,” I said, giving every consideration to using my magic to knock everyone down. Morgan wouldn’t be very happy with me, but given that he was probably in the front, I could take whatever shit he threw at me. I heard a group of women talking about how they wanted to just hold Ryan down and ride him like a show pony, to which I almost blurted out Ryan preferred to be the one doing the riding. But regardless of what else could be said about me, sometimes I did have a filter.
“I don’t have time for this,” Gary said. “There are mens waiting for me to objectify them with my invasive and salacious gaze. Tiggy! Charging sack of potatoes!”
“Wait!” I said. “No charging sack of—”
“There are mens,” Tiggy rumbled before picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder. He growled loudly as he pushed his way forward, people scattering out of his way so they didn’t get crushed. Gary pranced along in the wake, head high, tail swishing back and forth.
“Excuse us,” he said. “Priority package coming through to stare at the other priority packages.”
I glared at him as I hung over Tiggy’s shoulder, but he just winked at me like the asshole he was. “I will have my revenge,” I snarled at him.
“Squealed the sad, tiny little man,” he said. “Honestly, Sam. I thought you were actively trying to work on your threats. That was pathetic, and I am ashamed to say I know you.”
It only took seconds before we reached the front of the crowd, everyone pushing to dive out of the way from what appeared to be a rampaging half-giant. Tiggy looked rather proud of himself as he set me back down on the ground. He ruffled my hair and said, “You’re welcome,” and even though I could have easily found a way through without having to be carried, I still hugged him just a little so he knew he was appreciated.
And then Gary choked and said, “Hot motherfucking damn, that is some good shit right there.”
So I turned around.
And immediately realized I was wearing the wrong kind of pants to be on the boner carriage to Holy Fuck Me Town.
“Sweet molasses,” I managed to say.
Because even though I knew what we’d be walking into, it still didn’t prepare me for the sight in front of us.
Ryan Foxheart and the Wolf of Bari Lavuta at the chin-up bars, yes. And they were certainly shirtless, oh yes. There were miles of skin on display as the muscles in their backs tensed and flexed. I had no idea how long they’d been at it, but their arms were bulging as they pulled themselves up again and again.
Ryan was the bigger of the two, bulky muscle and sheer strength. Ruv was wiry, less built, but matching Ryan pull-up for pull-up.
The Castle Guard stood around them cheering, egging them on, counting out some ridiculous number (three twelve! three thirteen! three fourteen!). Ryan’s teeth were gritted together, and I knew that expression. That expression said he was tired and sore but he didn’t give a shit, because he was going to kick Ruv’s ass.
Ruv, for his part, kept his face blank, as if he were unaffected by anything around him. It was rather disconcerting to see how effortless it seemed for him, even if he was covered in a sheen of sweat.
“I’ve been to orgies that started just like this,” Gary whispered in my ear.
“What! When have you been to orgies? How many? Where was I?”
Gary rolled his eyes. “Like, two times. No wait, like. Fourteen times. And I told you I was going to church so you wouldn’t get suspicious.”
“Wait, so that entire year when you told me that you needed religion like air, you were actually getting jizzed on by multiple parties?”
“Pretty much. I blasphemed all over the place. But I will say that my soul felt clean afterward.”
“I still can’t believe people think unicorns are pristine and virginish creatures,” I muttered. “All the ones I know are whores.”
“I thought you only knew me,” Gary said, sounding confused.
“Exactly.”
“Boom,” Tiggy said.