“—doesn’t give you the right to try and emasculate our savior.”
“Yeah,” Kevin said. “Don’t immaculate me. And he’s exactly right. There was an entire army of evil that I vanquished so no one could take Gary away from me. They also might have wanted Sam and Justin and Ryan too, but I told them there was too much sexual tension there that I was waiting to see if it would combust into a ménage of sexual thrusting, just this wild and crazy orgiastic—sorry, what was that?”
“No one said anything,” I said. “They never do when you get gross.”
“Oh, I could have sworn I heard either you or Ryan or Justin agree with me on the erotic tension thrumming between the three of you.” He stared at us.
We stared back.
“Nothing? Well. I guess my ears deceived—Justin, your mouth is moving. Are you asking if I want to watch you have sexual relations with your former lover and his new lover? No? That’s not what you were saying if that look means anything. Okay. Where was I? Ah yes!” His eyes narrowed and he bared his fangs. “There I was, protecting all of Castle Lockes from sexual deviants who wanted nothing more than to take what was mine away from me. But I destroyed them all with my love for Dragoncorn. They fled from whence they came, back into the dark abyss, and once again, the world was saved thanks to Kevin. No, please, I absolutely don’t need a life-sized statue of me made of gold erected in the city center so that others may bask upon me. And if I can’t convince you otherwise, I will promise not to steal it to hoard, even if I should have it because it looks like me and is shiny and probably has eyes made of rubies. Hold the applause. I shan’t need it.”
We held our applause. Just barely.
“My hero,” Gary sighed. “You are going to get so much muffin tonight.”
“Ooh,” Kevin said. “An appropriate reward for my valor. What kind of muffin?”
“Banana nut,” Gary purred.
Kevin gasped. “My favorite.”
“You don’t want to eat his banana nut muffin,” I whispered to Morgan. “It actually means—”
“I know what it means,” Morgan snapped. “You gave me a list of their entire bakery. In all the years I’ve lived, I have never read such depravity.”
“Did you read the part about their scones and—”
“And that’s where I think this should end,” Morgan said firmly. “Because the gods only know how much longer this will go on if I don’t shut you up now.”
He had a point. “The gypsies are on their way in,” I told Kevin. “We need to be ready.”
The ridge above Kevin’s eyes furrowed. “Gypsies? Aren’t they mostly peaceable people?”
“Mostly.”
“So we’re not under attack.”
“Not that we know of.”
“And you just let me tell that mostly false but true story of how I defended everyone because of my amazingness.”
“Pretty much.”
Gary was nickering near his ear, and Kevin’s eyes rolled back in his head. “I am gonna get so laid tonight. Thank you, Sam. I’ll take you out to toss the ball around later and you can tell me about the project for science class that you’re doing. We’ll get you first place yet, just you wait and see. No boy of mine is gonna get a damn participation ribbon. Those things are only given to first-place losers.”
“Remember what you said in the foot-smelling closet?” I asked Ryan. He nodded. “You can’t take it back now.”
“Already did,” he assured me. “You’re on your own with this one. Hell, I might see if I can go with the gypsies.”
And before I could come up with the appropriately devastating retort, the Great Doors opened and the announcer walked into the throne room. “Your Majesty,” he said. “The phuro of the Bari Lavuta Clan requests an audience. Vadoma Tshilaba extends her greetings of peace from her people to those in the City of Lockes. She wishes to see the faces of her daughter and grandson.”
The King looked from me to my mother, then back toward the Great Doors. “The phuro may enter in the spirit of peace.”
The announcer nodded and went back through the Great Doors.
“Sam,” Morgan said quietly. “You must listen to me. Are you listening?”
I glanced over at him to find him watching the doors. “Yes.”