We stared at him with wide eyes.
“Are you two quite finished?”
“You have no idea,” Justin said.
“Absolutely none,” I agreed.
“Good. Tell me. How do you feel about puppy play?”
Before I could answer that (Ooh, I like puppies!), we were interrupted by a shrill, grating, and dare I say shriekish voice. “Well eat me up and shit me out. Just what do we have here?”
I sighed. “Crap. I am never going to hear the end of this.”
I turned slowly, already knowing what I would find.
Sure enough, there on the street only a few feet away (how had I not heard them approach!) stood a hornless unicorn, a half-giant, a dragon, and a knight with a resigned look on his face, something that I was extraordinarily used to being directed at my person, even after all this time.
“Heyyy,” I said with a wave. “What. Is. Up.”
“Hey, he says,” Gary snapped, flipping his mane prettily. “Can you believe this? You raise a child most of his life, watch him go through painful years of puberty to become a reasonably attractive man, only to find him negotiating kink contracts with a leather Dom and saying hey.” He sniffled. “I’ve never been more proud of anything in my life.”
Tiggy frowned. “Sam a pain slut?”
“I highly doubt that, kitten. You know how he gets when he stubs a toe. He doesn’t pop a boner, that’s for sure.”
“He’s growing up so fast,” the dragon named Kevin rumbled. “I remember when he was just a wee slip of a lad. Now he’s this young man finding his way in the world. A sexy way that I will probably actively participate in because that’s just who I am. No judgments. We’re all gods’ creatures, right? Just writhing on top of each—”
“Do I even want to know what you’re doing?” the knight asked, cocking a devastatingly unfair eyebrow.
Knight Commander Ryan Foxheart, the dreamiest dream to have ever been dreamed.
And probably currently not very happy with me.
“It’s not what it looks like?” I tried.
They all stared at me.
“Okay, it probably is what it looks like, but not for me. I’m not some kind of pain slut like Justin is. I’m here for moral support and nothing else.”
“Really,” Sir said. “You sure about that?”
“Wow,” I said. “Your voice is deeply intimidating. That’s impressive. I’m impressed.” I turned back to the others. “Did you hear that? He makes us call him Sir. This is fun. I’m having such a good time. Please save me.”
“Sam put a personal ad in the newspaper to try and make up for the fact that he is a home-wrecker,” Justin said.
“See, that makes sense,” Gary said.
“Hey! What about what I said?”
“Sam,” Gary said, sounding disappointed. “Honestly, what do you expect me to believe? I know Justin’s not a pain slut, because I’ve never seen him at the club getting flogged by Honest Helga.”
“That’s not a club I want to go to,” I said. “Because of Honest Helga.”
“She certainly knows how to pack a punch,” Kevin agreed.
“And,” Gary said, “I know you’re a home-wrecker because I witnessed it with my own eyes. Remember that? Sam? Do you? When you wrecked their home? I remember when you wrecked their home.”
Tiggy crossed his arms over his considerable chest. “That’s not nice, Sam. Even if Knight Delicious Face ate your flower.”