“What—”
“Fine!” I cried. “You’ve broken me. I’ve withstood Dark wizards and really invasive corn, but I can’t take the endless pools that are your eyes. I’ve never met him before. I’ve never even seen him before!”
“Aha!” Justin cried. Then, “Wait. What?”
“Ah, man. I feel better. That really was weighing on me.”
“What do you mean you’ve never seen him?”
I blinked. “Just that. I’ve never seen him before.” Was it that hard to understand?
“Then how do you know him?” he asked dangerously.
“He answered the ad.”
Justin closed his eyes for a moment, breathing heavily through his nose. “What ad?”
Well, this was off to a very bad start. “Um. The one I placed in the back of Lockes of Love, the periodical for singles who are ready to mingle in the City of Lockes, under their man for man section?”
The skin under his eye twitched.
“It’s okay,” I said. “I made you sound really good. If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s bullshitting.”
Another twitch. Or maybe a more pronounced one. Like it was spreading.
“I’m serious! Look, I even cut it out and saved it, it was so good.” I reached into the pocket under my robes and pulled out the folded piece of paper. I handed it over to Justin, who just glared at me. I poked it against his hand. “Come on. Come on, take it. Take it.”
A man walked by the alley, staring at us with wide eyes.
I waved at him.
He walked away quickly.
Justin grabbed the paper from my hand and brought it up to his face. I didn’t need to see what it said. I’d already had the genius of it memorized.
Looking For Love!
M4M. In position of power, would like someone else to take charge. Me: 20s Attractive w/ resting bitch face. Intelligent, slightly evil, ambitious. People think I’m cold, but it’s really a front for a semisoft heart. I like rolling my eyes at wizards even though I secretly like them and think they’re pretty cool. I also like deviled eggs.
“I know so much about you,” I said helpfully.
You: Older? Maybe. Assertive attitude. Real go-getter. Takes what you want. Commanding, even. Must have eyebrows. Double jointed is a plus. No Darks or fairies named Dimitri.
Justin looked up at me slowly.
I smiled at him. “You’re welcome. Some of them got really porny, but I took the high road. One talked about splitting you like a—”
“And someone responded to this,” he said, voice strangely even.
“Yes! Well, actually, like a hundred people did, but I narrowed it down to the best one. And I’ve been sending notes back and forth posing as you so I could get a real sense of him. He seems like a nice guy. Maybe a little bossy, but I figured that’s something you can work on when you marry him. Also, for some reason, he likes to call you boy and expects to be obeyed at all times, but hey, just roll with it. Could be fun.”
“What part of you thought that this would be a good idea?”
“Most parts,” I said. “But that’s why I’m here. In case he turns out to be a raging psychopath—which I highly doubt because it seems like that’s something you’d have to put down in the ad—I’ll be there right by your side.”
He said nothing for a long time. My jaw hurt from smiling so much.
Finally, “So let me get this straight. You impersonated the Prince of Verania to set up a date for me by using a personal ad in the back of a magazine that I usually see lying in the gutters and covered with bird feces. And not only that, but someone responded to said ad and now I’m on my way to meet him. Where you will also be in attendance.”