“Maybe we should,” I said, squeezing him tighter. “Maybe there’d be no wars if people just hugged all the time. After all, you can’t be armed if you have someone in your arms.”
“Unless I stab you in the—”
I felt like that was a good time to end the hug.
I turned back toward the entrance to the alley as he grumbled what I was sure was nothing but compliments about my existence.
It was going on dusk, and the street ahead was busy as people scurried about. Shopkeepers working the stalls called out their wares in loud, boisterous voices, selling fresh fish from the port and handwoven baskets and jewels crafted by the fires of dragons. It stank of animal shit, cooking meat, and something so distinctly Verania that I couldn’t help but love every single piece and part of it. These were my people; this was my city. As if in response, somewhere in the crowd, there came the sweet, sweet chords of a lute playing a song that had taken Verania by storm over the last several months after it’d spent close to a year circulating in the pubs.
“I swear to the gods,” Justin muttered, “if I have to hear that godsdamned song about cheesy dicks one more time, I’m going to find out who started it and send them to the dungeons forever.”
Since I had no desire to poop in a bucket for the rest of my life, I said, “I don’t hear anything, so let’s stop talking about it and focus on other things. Like how I’m about to change your life. For the better.”
“Anyone else, I might believe that. Coming from you, it sounds like a threat.”
Since anything he had to say was, at this point, entirely without merit, I ignored him. I had a scene to set, after all. “Imagine,” I said, waving my hands slowly in front of me, setting the shit out of that scene. “It’s a lovely evening. There’s music in the air. Everyone is happy. There’s a feeling of joy in your heart.”
He glared at me.
“Joy,” I insisted. “You’re feeling joy.”
His eyes narrowed further.
“Okay,” I said. “We’ll come back to that part and work on it a little later. By the way, did you know that the skin under your eye twitches when I talk? I noticed that a long time ago. I wonder why that is. You may want to see the doctor in case it’s a sign of illness or stress. Are you stressed? I can’t imagine why. Where was I? Dammit. I forgot what we were talking about.”
“Sam,” Justin ground out.
“That’s right,” I said. “The scene. There’s music and happiness—mostly—and joy in your heart, or there soon will be. The night stretches out in front of you, filled with promise. Your senses are tingling, and you’re thinking, Yes, this is going to be something magical. This is what I’ve been waiting for.”
“That’s not what I’m thinking right now.”
“Regardless,” I said, “you will be thinking it. And when you’re thinking it, when you’re caught up in the moment, when you feel like you’re finally alive, what’s the one thing you notice is missing?”
“The reason why your parents didn’t sell you for the highest price they could the moment they realized you were nothing but an unmitigated tragedy?”
“Close,” I said. “You’re missing love.”
He blinked at me, looking startled.
It didn’t last long.
“Love,” he repeated slowly, starting to frown.
“Love,” I agreed.
“Sam, I mean this in the most succinct way possible. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“What. The fuck. Are you talking about?”
I sighed. “Look, maybe, quite possibly, I feel bad for a certain knight coming to a dawning realization at the worst possible moment.”
“Really,” he said flatly. “You feel bad about that.”
I did. Granted, it led to my virginity getting completely destroyed by the love of my young, albeit adventurous, life, but yes. I still felt slightly bad. It’d been years since I’d given my heart away but only thirteen months since I was sure it’d be protected enough for me to let it go. And I would always remember the look of betrayal on Justin’s face when his husband-to-be looked him straight in the eye and said he loved another. “Mostly bad,” I said. “Slightly giddy, but bad too. It’s paradoxical, but then I am an enigma.”
He rolled his eyes. “I still blame you. But mostly him.”