I wish that I said I could have seen it coming.
I didn’t, though. That one was on me.
One moment we were walking through the woods, just him and me as I tried to do with each of my Betas, laughing and talking about nothing in particular, and the next his lips were on mine—clumsy things—his hands against my chest, his breath on my face. He was warm and sweet, and I hated myself that I didn’t push him away. I could say that I was startled. I could say that I didn’t expect it. But the fact remains I didn’t push him away, not at first.
I didn’t kiss him back.
I just stood there, laughter dying in my throat.
Hands at my sides. Eyes wide.
He didn’t move much, just a press that held for one and two and three and four and then he stepped away, heart jackrabbiting around in his chest, lips slick. His tongue darted out quickly, like he was chasing the taste of me.
We stared at each other.
I didn’t know what to do.
He said, “Ox, I—”
I held up my hand.
I thought on it. I really did.
Because it’d be so easy.
To take. Right here. Right now.
I hadn’t been with anyone since before Joe.
I hadn’t planned on it, either.
But I wasn’t sure where I fit with Joe’s plans anymore.
And it would be so easy.
And I liked him. Robbie. I really did. He was nice. And kind. And handsome. Anyone would be lucky to have that.
And I could.
But I could never give him what he wanted. What he deserved. Because Robbie deserved someone who could give their whole heart.
And I’d given mine away a long time ago to a blue-eyed boy who’d stood on a dirt road and waited for me.
“Robbie,” I sighed.
“I shouldn’t have done that,” he mumbled, looking down and scuffing a boot in the dirt.
“Maybe,” I said. “But it’s not a bad thing.”
“It’s not?” A faint glimmer of hope.
“Because it can’t be a thing at all.”
He sighed, shoulders slumping. “Because of Joe?”
“Because of Joe.”
“He’s not here.”