I know.
I pulled up the covers in his bed over my head and waited until sunrise.
ROBBIE STAYED.
We didn’t want him in the Bennett house because there was no trust there. He didn’t want to be too far away. There were a couple of motels in Green Creek, but people would ask questions if he stayed too long. Mark thought he was all right. I asked if he’d known him from before. Mark shook his head. He’d made some calls and verified Robbie was who he said he was, and Gordo’s wards had let him through to begin with. And since I trusted Mark, trusted Gordo, I told Robbie he could stay at the old house.
The old house, because that’s how I thought of it.
I didn’t think I’d ever live there again. At least not for a long time.
Because there were nights I woke up and felt the heavy magic holding me down, cutting me off from the pack.
There were nights when I didn’t know if I was dreaming or if I was awake, and my mother would be standing at the edge of my bed, tears drying on her face, her eyes steeling right in front of me and she would tell me to run, to run away from—
Those were the nights I missed Joe the most.
I had never been one for nightmares.
Not really.
But now?
Now they were all I had.
I remembered how Joe was when he woke screaming for me.
I didn’t scream when I snapped my eyes open, though I wanted to.
I muffled it down, lodging it in my throat as sweat dripped down my neck.
It was easier that way.
So I couldn’t go back to the house. Not while the floor was stained. Not while the look on her face was still fresh in my head. The wet sound she made when she fell.
Robbie didn’t ask, and he didn’t say anything the day after his first night in the house. The only thing I asked of him was that he stayed in my room and left my mom’s room alone. He had no business in there. And I didn’t want him getting his scent on anything. The door was shut and would stay that way until I could open it and breathe her in.
“Sure, Ox,” he said. “I can do that.” Then, “She wanted you to know, too, that she’s sorry for what you lost. Especially for one so young. She… understands loss. In her own way.”
“Who?” I asked, confused.
“The Alpha.”
My eyes widened a little at that. “She knows who I am?”
His lips twitched. “Yes, Ox. Many people know who you are.”
“Oh,” I said, because I didn’t know what to do with that.
So I did nothing at all.
TWO WEEKS went by without an update.
I thought I could understand what it felt to slowly lose one’s mind.
I imagined all possible things. Capture. Torture. Death. I thought I would know if something was wrong. I thought I would feel it if anything happened to them. But the reality was, the longer they were gone, the greater the distance, the less I felt. I didn’t think I’d know if any of them were hurt. If Joe was hurt.
Because I could feel the others that had stayed in Green Creek more than I could feel him.