“Smoke break?” I asked him, and it hurt, because that was familiar. I could almost smell the smoke. It burned my lungs. I could see him if I thought about it enough, sitting out behind the shop. Smoking and scowling. Long legs stretched out, ankles crossed. Oil under his fingernails. Those bright and colorful tattoos covering his arms. Ravens and flowers and shapes meant to have meaning that I could never figure out.
“Yeah. Death sticks, man.”
“You could quit.”
“I don’t quit anything, Ox.”
“Old dogs learn new tricks.”
He snorted. “I’m twenty-four.”
“Old.”
“Ox.” He knew.
So I told him. “We’re not doing okay.”
“Bank?” he asked.
“She doesn’t think I see them. The letters.”
“How far behind?”
“I don’t know.” I was embarrassed. I shouldn’t have called. “I gotta go.”
“Ox,” he snapped. Crisp and clear. “How far?”
“Seven months.”
“That fucking bastard,” he said. He was angry.
“He didn’t—”
“Don’t, Ox. Just… don’t.”
“I was thinking.”
“Oh boy.”
“Could I…?” My tongue felt heavy.
“Spit it out.”
“Could I have a job?” I said in a rush. “It’s just we need the money and I can’t let her lose the house. It’s all we have left. I’d do good, Gordo. I would do good work and I’d work for you forever. It was going to happen anyway and can we just do it now? Can we just do it now? I’m sorry. I just need to do it now because I have to be the man now.” My throat hurt. I wished I had something to drink, but I couldn’t get my legs to move.
Gordo didn’t say anything at first. Then, “I think that might be the most I’ve ever heard you talk at one time.”
“I don’t say much.” Obviously.
“That right.” He sounded amused. “Here’s what we’re gonna do.”
HE GAVE my mom the money to get the mortgage caught back up. Said it would come out of the pay he’d give me under the table until I could legally work for him.
Mom cried. She said no, but then she realized she couldn’t say no. So she cried and said yes and Gordo made her promise to tell him if it got bad again. I think she thought he hung the moon and might have tried to smile a little wider at him. Might have laughed lightly. Might have cocked her hips a bit.
She didn’t know that I’d seen him once with another guy when I was six or so, holding his elbow lightly as they walked into the movies. Gordo had been laughing deeply and had stars in his eyes. I didn’t think he’d be interested in my mom. I never saw the man with Gordo ever again. And I never saw Gordo with anyone else. I wanted to ask him, but there was a tightness around his eyes that didn’t used to be there before and so I never did. People don’t like to be reminded of sad things.
The threatening letters and phone calls stopped coming from the bank.