“Okay,” he said. Then, “How about now?”
“My heart boner is getting chubbed up again,” Gary said.
Ryan reached out and grabbed my hand. I thought about pulling away, but his skin against mine felt like something akin to relief. Beautiful, wonderful relief and I thought maybe I trembled with it.
He took a step toward me, and I could feel his heat. His eyes were wide and clear, and I felt trapped by them. He squeezed my hand. “Sam.”
“You’re an asshole,” I said.
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t get to be an asshole.”
“I know. I need you to listen to me. Okay?”
“Why?”
“Because I need to say what I should have said to you many times before.”
I could only nod.
“Achieving full heart boner,” Gary said. “Heart boner is imminent.”
Ryan took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He said, “Sam, it’s always been you. It’s always been you because I lo—”
And that’s when a group of Dark wizards burst into the throne room, led by Wan the Dark Hunter.
“Aha!” he cried. “The element of surprise is ours!”
People in the audience screamed and began to push their way toward the sides of the throne room. The knights moved in front of them, taking defensive positions.
“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Gary said. “Seriously?”
“Sam of Wilds,” Wan shouted. “I am here to avenge the death of Lartin the Dark Leaf. He was a nice and strange man whose father—”
“No,” I snapped. “You do not get to monologue during Ryan’s love confession.”
The Darks stared at me. “His what?” Wan asked.
“In case you couldn’t tell, I was about to be told how wonderful I am and how much I am loved and how I am the greatest thing in his world and he worships the ground I walk on and that I also have great hair and my sex puns are the funniest things ever. He was also probably going to kiss me and I was considering making it a little dirty even though we have an audience.”
“Oh shit,” one of the Darks said to another, and I recognized them as the ones that had been chased away by the fire geckos outside of Tarker Mills. “They finally got their act together.”
“I told you they would,” the other said. “You owe me coin.”
“Bullshit,” the first Dark said. “You literally said they would do it before the wedding.”
“Oh my gods, would you stop saying literally?”
“I thought he was marrying the Prince?” Wan asked.
“Plans changed,” I said. “And because I fucking deserve it after all the shit I’ve been through, you’re going to shut the fuck up and let me have this fucking moment. When he’s finished, I’ll deal with you. Do you understand?”
“I don’t think—”
“Do you understand?”
“Eep!” Wan said. “I mean, yes. Yes, I understand.”