“Tiggy smash now?”
“Not yet, my friend. Not quite yet.”
“I have daddy issues, and you don’t see me turning into a villain,” Gary said.
“We-ell,” I said. “You’re firmly planted in a morally gray area, so I wouldn’t try and hang your hat on that.”
“And so what if I wrote a play in forty-seven acts when I was in the sixth grade entitled Daddy, Why Won’t You Love Me? I was only trying to find a creative outlet in order to deal with my childhood trauma!”
“Yeah, okay,” I said. “I do believe I’m sick of this. I would like to be rescued right about now.”
“You know,” Gary said, “for someone who only recently defeated an evil wizard and saved the world, you still need to be rescued a lot.”
I shrugged. “I only do it so other people feel like they contribute. I don’t like taking all the credit.”
“Sam, the King threw a parade in your honor, and you insisted on being the grand marshal and having a float with your face on it.”
“I asked you if that was too much. You said no!”
“Yeah, not for a unicorn. You’re a human, Sam. Your ego needs to be kept in check. A unicorn, however, such as myself, needs to have their ego fed, because it helps to increase our magic, and therefore keeps us alive.”
“Tiggy, is that true?”
“No,” Tiggy said. “Gary a liar and a fat mouth.”
“Tiggy!” Gary gasped. “How dare you say such a truthful thing?”
Tiggy shrugged. “Just want to smash, but no one let Tiggy smash. What about what Tiggy want?”
“Aw,” Gary and I both said.
“Dude, I am going to hug you so hard when we get out of here.”
“Jeffrey, yoo-hoo, Jeffrey,” Gary said shrilly.
Jeffrey blinked, his words about something something daddy dying in his throat. “What?”
“Do you see that tall, strapping, handsome giant?”
“Um. Yes?”
“He is very dear to me.”
“O… kay?”
“Be a good fellow and release him so he can smash you. He’s earned it.”
Jeffrey frowned. “But… I don’t want to be smashed.”
Gary’s eyes narrowed. “Look, Jeffrey, it’s going to happen one way or another. I think it would be better for you if you just accepted that. You won’t like him when he’s angry.”
“Too late,” Tiggy growled.
“Uh-oh,” Gary said ominously.
“Uh-oh,” I agreed.
“Of course this is where I’d find you, Sam,” a voice said from the mouth of the cave.