“Right,” I said. “I am the chosen one.”
Gary snickered next to me before I shot him a glare. He was able to semibelievably cover it up with a cough. “Yes, Sam,” he said. “As my husband said, whatever do you mean?”
“Yes,” I said. “See, I just said that in order to get you—”
“Traitor!” Kevin said.
I narrowed my eyes as I looked up at him. “You said your line too early.”
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“Pot, meet kettle,” Gary muttered.
“Oh. Right. Sorry. I just got excited.”
“What’s going on?” one of the Darks asked.
“I have no idea,” another said.
“Like I was saying,” I continued, “I just said that in order to get all of you here, because you see, I have a surprise for all of you.”
“He has a surprise for all of us?” Terrance asked. “I do like surprises.”
Godsdamn Terrance. “Not for you. For my motley crew of travelers.”
“What surprise?” Tiggy asked right on cue, because unlike some of the people next to me, he understood the script.
I chuckled in what I hoped was a disconcertingly evil fashion. “Ah, my dear fellow, I am so glad you asked. Because you see, the truth is….”
All the Darks leaned forward.
“I have turned to the other side!” I shouted.
Silence.
Legit, like, a lot of silence.
“Kevin,” I muttered. “Anytime now.”
“Hmm? What are you—oh. Right!” He cleared his throat. “Traitor.”
“That’s exactly right,” I crowed, beginning to pace in front of my friends. “I, Sam of Dragons, have forsaken the teachings of my mentors and am now a Dark wizard.”
“Ooh,” the Dark wizards said.
“I knew that was going to happen,” Terrance said.
“You did not, Terrance,” one of the Darks snapped.
“I did,” Terrance insisted. “I told myself, Terrance, old boy, I bet you one day Sam of Dragons is going to show up here at the gates and then turn on his people.”
“Fucking Terrance,” another Dark muttered.
Gary pranced toward me. “But Sam,” he cried dramatically. His bouffant wobbled ridiculously on his head. “We’re friends. Best friends even. Maybe even more than that, because that line blurred a few times, especially when you drank too much and started eyeing my flanks like you wanted to lift my tail and stick your face up in there.”
Gary and his ad-libbing were going to be the death of us. “Yes,” I said. “That. Well, even you couldn’t sway me with your succulent wiles. I have turned Dark, and that is all there is to it.”
He looked gleeful when he was supposed to be emotionally destroyed. “My succulent what now? Ryan, did you hear that? He thinks I’m succulent.”