“Isn’t it? You just said Gary and Tiggy and Kevin would lay down their lives for me if called upon to do so. And maybe you’re right. Because they’re my friends, and I would do the same for them. You would give your life for the King and Justin, because you’re a knight. And that is your job. It is your oath, Ryan. You pledged yourself to them. And I….” I shook my head. “You have your oath. And I have mine. It’s just a little more… cosmic.”
“You can’t die,” Ryan said hoarsely. “I won’t allow it.”
“I don’t want to. But we have to know there’s… I don’t know. I can’t tell you what’s going to happen, Ryan. I want to, but I can’t. Because funnily enough, the gods are dicks like that.”
“You unimaginable son of a bitch.”
“Hey!”
“You still don’t get it, do you?” he snarled in my face, shaking my shoulders. “You fucking asshole.”
“You know, I think I’ve been good about not correcting you on your language so far, but dude, there’s a line. Think of the children—”
“I’m your cornerstone.”
I squinted at him. “Yeah.”
“Did you ever stop to think that you were mine too?”
The hairs on the back of my neck stood up, and my eyes felt wide and shocky. “But… you’re not a wizard.”
“No shit, Sam. But a cornerstone isn’t about magic. It isn’t about which one of us is a wizard and can do impossible things. It’s about you and me and everything that we are. You are my home, Sam. That is what a cornerstone is. I’m safe with you. I’m whole because of you. I’m in love with you, and I’m in awe of you. You left, and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know who to be.”
“You did just fine without me,” I whispered, eyes burning.
“Because I had to. I had my duty. My oath. I did the best I could with what I had. And we survived. Somehow. But every night I looked upon those stars and I wished for you. I always have, Sam. And I always will.”
“Ryan—”
“No, you listen to me now. You talk and talk and talk, and now it’s my turn. So you keep your mouth shut until I tell you. Understand?”
I nodded slowly.
“You’re stupid.”
I scowled at him.
“No, you are. You’re reckless and ridiculous, and sometimes I want to chain you up and lock you in a room and never let you out again.”
“That’s creepy, if I’m being honest. And a little erotic—”
“No. Talking.”
Right. He was on a tirade that was really, really doing things for me.
“But as much as I know that all I want to do is to keep you safe, there are thousands of people counting on you, even if most of them don’t deserve you. They betrayed you, they dismissed you, they hated you, and yet you still came back. For them. For us. For me. Because you knew it was the right thing to do. I can’t say I’ll ever understand why you left when you did, but I know you had your reasons. And I waited. Okay? I waited, and I wished, and now you’re here. But you’re still wearing that godsdamn mask, and I can’t stand it. This is me, Sam. Your cornerstone. Don’t do this. Not with me.”
I laid my forehead against his. His breath was warm on my face. “I’m… scared.”
He sighed, shoulders slumping. “I know.”
“And I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“I know that too.”
“And I really think you need to brush your teeth.”
He laughed quietly. “Gods. Did I say that I wished for you? I take that back. Get out.”