“If any of you call it sucking through my magic hole one more time, I’m going to leave you all here to die,” Randall threatened.
“This rescue mission will be stricken from all history books,” Justin said, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Amused and exasperated indeed,” the King said quietly.
THE TREK through the castle went better than expected. We only encountered a few Darks, and they paid us little attention as they scurried by. As we moved through the throne room, the King scowled, eyeing his throne longingly. Justin held on to his arm, pulling him along. He offered little resistance as we passed through the Great Doors, but didn’t seem to find the new banners hanging from the ceilings and walls very amusing.
“They’re so totalitarian,” he muttered. “Castle Lockes is meant for all. I truly do despise him.”
The stairways were empty as we descended into the castle’s depths, tracing our path back toward Lady Tina. I held out a small hope that she’d run away or been captured, or she’d simply been erased from existence, but that proved false when we rounded the corner and found her waiting where we’d left her.
Her eyes widened when she saw us, and specifically the King. “Where have you been?” she hissed at us. “There’s movement in the castle.”
“How astute your observational skills are,” I retorted.
“Who is this strange-looking man?” the King asked.
“Lady Tina,” Justin said.
The King’s lips twitched.
Randall groaned. “Sam.”
“What? I didn’t do anything! Oh. Wait. I did, but still. I think the punishment fits the crime.”
“Ha!” Lady Tina cried. “I knew you did this to me on purpose.”
“You’re damn right I did,” I said gleefully. “And if we’re lucky, maybe I’ll forget how to change you back, and you’ll forever be stuck as if one of your parents was actually a weasel.”
“At least he didn’t turn your nose into a penis,” Randall told her.
“Now Randall,” the King said. “That sounded dangerously close to fondly reminiscing.”
“I regret ever coming to rescue you,” Randall said.
“Can we move?” Justin snapped. “Now?”
Ryan was already at the door, ear pressed against the wood. “I don’t think the group of men Sam was going to slut around with and caused to run to church have come back yet.”
Randall and the King slowly turned to look at me.
I rolled my eyes. “It’s not like it sounds. Well. Actually. It is like it sounds, but I wasn’t actually going to do it. You know how Ryan gets when people want to put things in me.”
“Literally everything wants to sleep with him,” he muttered, pushing open the door a crack to peek through. “For once, I’d like to meet someone who doesn’t want have sex with my boyfriend.”
“I don’t,” Lady Tina said.
“I don’t,” Justin said.
“I don’t,” Randall said.
“I would,” the King said.
Everyone turned to gape at him.
He just shrugged. “What? He’s adorable. If I was thirty years younger—”
“Dad!”