“He kicks kittens?”
“Quite viciously.” I looked away, gazing into the distance, thinking about just how appalling it all was. “Once, he dropkicked one over the wall. Said the next time someone didn’t know who he was, he was going to dropkick them.”
The Dark winced. “He sounds very strict.”
“The strictest.”
“I had a kitten once.”
“Oh. Great. Um. Please. Tell me more.”
The Dark sighed. “He was this scrappy little thing. My pa got him for me. For my birthday. I have issues with my father, you know, deep-seated issues that I’ll probably never get over, but that day I thought maybe it was going to be okay. But it turned out it wasn’t a kitten at all. You see, I was practically blind at that point, not yet having been fitted for eyewear, and it turned out my kitten was actually a rat.”
“That’s… um. That’s super sad. Oh, you. There, there. It’s okay.”
The Dark shrugged awkwardly. “Yeah, it really hurt. I still think about it sometimes. Have you ever held a rat?”
“Can’t say that I have.”
“They don’t feel very nice.”
“You don’t say.”
“Yeah.”
“Well,” I said as I clapped my hands. “This has just been swell. You learned things, we learned things—unfortunately—and now we’ll continue on our way and you can forget you ever saw us.”
“Yes,” the Dark said. “That sounds fine. Thank you for listening to me. I should—wait. Why should I forget I ever saw you? Who did you say your supervisor was?”
I widened my eyes in surprise, looking over his shoulder. “Oh no, look! There’s your father bringing you another rat!”
“No, Papa, no!” the Dark cried as he whirled around.
I punched him in the back of the head. “Motherfucker,” I howled, shaking my hand against the biting pain. “What is your head made of? Bone?”
He held his head as he turned back toward us. “Did you just punch me?”
“Yes. Why aren’t you unconscious? Everyone knows if you hit someone in the back of the head, they get knocked out!”
“I just don’t understand why you would hit me! How uncalled-for. Here I am, pouring my heart out about my rat-giving father, and you hit me? Are you trying to make me regress to my childhood? Papa, is that you? Why can’t you love me?”
“Heeeee-yaaaah,” Lady Tina shrieked as she pushed me aside and roundhouse kicked the Dark in the face. He immediately crumpled to the ground, out cold.
“Whoa,” I said. “Like, I still don’t like you, dude, so, so much, so do not take this as a compliment. But that was badass.”
“Thank you,” she said primly, adjusting her robes.
“Still wasn’t a compliment, so. You know. No need for thanks.”
“You said I was badass.”
“Would you two stop flirting?” Justin snapped. “We don’t have time for this.”
“Flirting?” I gasped. “Are you out of your godsdamned mind?”
“As if I would ever,” Lady Tina exclaimed.
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