“Fantastic,” he said. “We have a saying where I’m from.” He strummed his lute again. “We travel far, we travel long, stories told through ale and song.”
“Yaaaayyyy,” a man in the audience said.
“Now, we know my skills with the lute are unique,” Zal said, and I figured now was as good a time as any to let myself die. “My voice has been called melodious and on fleek. Now I shall sing you a song banned from all holy Masses. Ladies and gentlemen, the Grand Prince of Verania, I give you… ‘Dark Wizards Can Kiss Our Asses.’”
“Oh no,” I moaned.
“What,” Ryan said.
“What is this?” Justin growled at Gary.
“I love everything about my life,” Gary breathed.
“Hurray!” Tiggy exclaimed.
And Zal the Magnificent began to sing.
Once there was a country strong,
with a people most sweet and proud.
They always figured right from wrong,
and to a great King they bowed.
Then there came the darkest day,
from all of us this was taken.
Shadows came and had their way,
and left us all a-shakin’.
Buuuuuut… to themmmm… we saaaaaaaay….
Dark wizards can kiss our asses!
We’ll stab ’em in the gut.
Listen to me, lads and lasses,
Let’s fuck them in the butt!
“Wow,” Dad said. “I can see why you like him.”
“Right?” Gary said gleefully. “It’s like he’s from my dreams.”
There was a boy of simple means,
upon whose shoulders hopes were laid.
More weight than on kings and queens,
To him we looked and prayed.
Called upon the hopes of men,
he would need the help of dragons,