“What?”
I shrugged. “He didn’t like you very much back then, but he could still appreciate your finer qualities. Like your thighs wrapped around his neck.”
“I’m feeling so objectified right now. And slightly queasy. I don’t know if I’ll ever
be able to look Gary in the eye again.”
“You get used to it, trust me.”
“That should not be a thing you get used to.”
“What? Who are you to tell me how to live my life—oh. Right. Monogamous boyfriend. Sorry, dude. I promise not to bring up what else Gary has said about you if you won’t have sex with Terry.”
“I’m not even going to dignify that with a response.”
I gasped. “Are you not saying no? Does our love mean so little to you that you can’t even refute the accountant unicorn’s lecherous gaze? Huh. That sounds like the beginning of a really weird porn. You know what? I’ll allow it. Knock yourself out.”
“I’m going to knock you out—”
“I’m so pleased you’ve decided to join us,” Justin said, sounding annoyed. “And why are the two of you looking like you’re conspiring toward something I won’t like?”
“Ryan told me he’s going to cheat on me with a unicorn,” I said morosely.
Justin stared at Ryan, who scowled. “Does that sound like something I’d say?”
“Normally I would say no. But when you get with Sam, you’re just as odd as he is. It’s infectious. Like a disease. But on the flip side of things, you really have been rather boring since he’s been gone.”
“Justin loves me more than anything in the world,” I told Ryan. “You might as well accept that now.”
“I barely tolerate your presence,” Justin retorted because he was complicated and had to save face.
“Yeah,” I said, winking at him, because I knew what he meant. “I barely tolerate your presence too, best friend 5eva.”
“Whatever,” he grumbled. “Sam, you will sit at my right side since you are my wizard. I expect you—why are you looking at me like that? How in the name of the gods are your eyes so big?”
“You just called me your wizard,” I breathed.
“Oh no, Sam, you get that look off your face right this second. I won’t be hugged when you get like this, you—godsdammit.”
“Shh,” I whispered in his ear, wrapping my arms around him, holding him tight. “This is a magical moment that we need to share by touching each other.”
He sighed. “You have to know how that sounds.”
“Yes. Like I love you.”
“Sam.”
“Yes, Justin.”
“Two minutes.”
“Ten.”
“One.”
“Five.”
“None.”