I shrugged. “Yeah. That means it’s true now.”
“Is that right?”
“You know how it is.”
“Do I?” he asked, and I heard the anger in his voice. “Maybe I don’t know anymore. Maybe none of us do.”
That hurt. It was expected, but still. I didn’t blame him. I couldn’t. “That’s fair,” I said as evenly as possible, because I could take the punches just as long as we came out on the other side still standing.
He started taking his armor off, piece by piece, the metal clanging loudly in the quiet room. “Fair,” he repeated. “I’m so glad you think so.”
“Okay,” I said, wringing my hands. “You’re mad. I get that. And I respect your right to have that anger. You’ve earned it. So. Thank you for sharing it with me. I will accept it as part of who you are right now and will do nothing to minimize the way you’re feeling.” I was proud of myself for being so mature and responsible.
“Oh, I’m not mad, Sam.”
I blinked. “You’re not?”
“No.”
“Oh.” Awesome, maybe we could just?
??
“I’m furious.”
Uh-oh.
“What were you thinking?” His gauntlets fell to the floor. He didn’t look away from me. “I woke up and you were gone. Do you know what that felt like? The last thing I remembered was Myrin and Morgan and you, and then I was waking in the healing ward of the castle to a letter from you saying you were leaving to do what you had to do, Morgan dead, Randall missing.”
I winced. “I didn’t want to leave! I just couldn’t—”
“Then you didn’t have to,” he retorted. I didn’t know if I’d ever seen him so angry. “I’m not magic like you, Sam. I don’t have the whole… whatever it is flowing through me like you, but do you know what it felt like to be cut off from you? I didn’t even know I could feel like that, as if part of my heart had been ripped away. I’m your cornerstone, and you left me behind like I didn’t matter.”
“It’s not like that! I wasn’t trying to—”
“We looked for you, okay? For weeks. And there was nothing. Gary was devastated, Tiggy inconsolable. The King was without an advisor, and Justin didn’t have his best friend—”
“I knew we were best friends!”
“And don’t even get me started on your parents. You ran away just like you did when we left for Mashallaha. When things got too tough, you ran.”
And even though I fought it, I couldn’t hold back my own irritation. “That’s what you think. You think I’m a coward.”
He was only wearing his wool undergarments now, looking flushed and ridiculous and terribly attractive, and I was pissed off. “I didn’t say that. You did.”
“You implied it.”
“Take from it what you will.”
I wanted to punch him in his perfect mouth. “You want to know why I left?”
“I know why.”
“Come away with me, O human child,” I spat at him. “In this forest deep, in the dark of the wild. Where in these woods, you’ll face your fear, as time doth stretch toward a year.”
Ryan’s face was stony.
“It’s the stupidest thing ever. GW is so old he thinks he can get away with it. News flash, he can’t. But does he listen to me about that? Noooo. Of course not. I’m the oldest thing in the world, Sam. I can do whatever I want, Sam. You have to do whatever I say, Sam, because I’m a fucking asshole.” I scowled. “You know, I’m really fucking sick of dragons. I wouldn’t be sad if they flew away and never returned. After we saved the day, of course. If they left now, that would kind of suck because of the whole supervillain destiny thing.”