“Oh look,” a voice said from above us. “Kevin is here too. We should all give some love to Kevin so he doesn’t feel left out or anything and start to doubt he belongs.”
We all slowly looked up at him.
He looked around, eyes wide. “Now, who could have said that? I mean, it’s true, of course, so whoever said that obviously knew what they were talking about.”
Gary pulled away from Tiggy and me, tail up, chest stuck out as he pranced toward Kevin. “Did you fuck other dragons?” Gary demanded.
Kevin peered down at him. “No? One is like my brother. Two are lesbians, one of whom thinks I’m her baby. Which I am. The other is a cranky old man.”
“Did you fuck Sam?”
I gagged. “What? Of course not!”
“Not even when he begged for it,” Kevin told Gary.
“I didn’t beg for anything—”
“Yes,” Gary said, “that sounds like him.”
“In what fucking world does that sound like me?”
“He dressed saucily to try and entice me,” Kevin said, lowering himself until he was eye level with Gary. “But I resisted, no matter how often he tried to present his asshole for my inspection.”
“None of that happened,” I told Tiggy. “Literally none of that.”
“Shh,” Tiggy said, squishing my face back against his chest. “Shhh, Slutty Sam. That’s capitalized. It true now.”
“I will deal with that whore later,” Gary said. “So if you didn’t have sex with dragons or Sam, who did you have sex with?”
“No one,” Kevin said. “Because I was saving myself for you.”
Gary gasped. “You were?”
“I dreamed about going to your bakery,” Kevin growled. “And putting your poppy seed muffins all over my face.”
“Well maybe my bakery is closed permanently,” Gary said, turning his head away to gaze into the distance. “Maybe it went out of business and I don’t have the finances to open it up again.”
“Or maybe it just needs a cash-flow injection,” Kevin said, tongue flicking out. “Something to give it a boost.”
“Oh my,” Gary breathed. “I do like cash-flow injections. And then I could open my bakery and banana nut all over your chest.”
“Tiggy,” I said, struggling to get free, “we have to get out of here. They’re going to have filthy reunion sex, and your soul is far too pure to witness such atrocities!”
“Do you feel that?” Gary purred, rubbing his snout against Kevin’s. “I feel my bakery having a grand reopening celebration right now. In fact, I think there’s something hot in my oven as we speak.”
“Maybe I should get in there and take it out before it burns,” Kevin rumbled.
“Gary,” Tiggy said, “what about the others?”
“Yeah, you should just stick your face in there and pull my muffins out of the oven before they—oh shoot. The others.” He stepped away from Kevin. “Thank you for reminding me, kitten. I lost my head there for a moment.”
“But,” Kevin whimpered, “what about my muffins.”
“I’m still angry with you,” Gary said, tossing his mane like a godsdamn diva. “And I shall not forgive you, no matter how enticing I find you and how much you make my thighs quiver. You are on my shit list. In fact, you are covered in my shit list. You are a pile of shit on a list that I own.”
“I could have done without that description,” I said to no one in particular.
“And don’t think I’ve forgotten about you,” Gary said, eyes blazing.