“You were.”
I left her there on the porch, smoking her pipe. And as I walked away, I could feel her gaze following every step I took.
KEVIN WAS groaning as he rolled around in Gary’s scarves.
I almost turned around and headed back to the Dark Woods.
Somehow, I was able to stop myself.
“Really?”
“I don’t judge anything weird you do,” he said, bringing up a scarf to his nostrils and inhaling deeply.
“Uh, yeah you do. You do it all the time.”
“Oh. Well. There you go.”
“You’re a dick.”
He shrugged. “I do not disagree.”
“Legit, dude. Not cool.”
“Don’t be jealous because you don’t have anything of your beloved to sniff yet. Do you want one of Gary’s scarves? I’ll only watch a little bit.”
“All that time in the woods, and I still don’t know why you are the way you are.”
“I like what I like, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.”
“You should be,” I insisted. “You should be so ashamed and—wow, they were not kidding. It looks like drag queens were massacred in here.”
And it did. The floor of the large barn was covered in sections of bright purple shag carpeting. There were dozens of feather boas and scarves hanging on one far wall, a few missing for reasons I didn’t want to focus on. There was a large bed of hay at one end, built as a nest of sorts that I knew Tiggy and Gary slept on, a large blanket folded on a chair next to it. In another corner were dozens of brooms in all shapes and sizes, haphazardly placed for easy access.
In the middle of the barn, hanging from the ceiling, was a large mirror ball.
“Godsdamn, these fuckers are amazing,” I mumbled.
“Aren’t they?” Kevin said, a blue scarf still hanging from his claws.
“You know he probably took the time to grab all of this stuff while they were supposed to be fleeing the castle.”
“Yeah,” Kevin sighed dreamily. “He really does it for me.”
“Ugh.”
“Oh please, like you don’t know my feelings for your mother.”
“He’s not my mother—shit.”
“What?”
I winced. “Your hoard. They must have had to leave your hoard behind. Dude, I’m so sorry. We’ll get it back. Maybe. Hopefully.”
Kevin cocked his head at me. “I don’t understand.”
“Your hoard,” I said slowly, sure that Kevin’s brains must have shot out of his dick along with his spunk. “That was in the castle.”
“Oh, that. I suppose. I don’t know how much I care about material things.”