“Projecting?” I say, not able to keep my fool mouth shut.
She laughs, but there’s no humor in it. “You bastard,” she says again. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”
“I was scared.”
“Of me?”
I shake my head. “No. Of everything else. I didn’t know who I was, much less what the fuck I was doing. I thought that was pretty obvious by now.”
She frowns at me, cheeks wet. God, she’s so fucking beautiful.
“And now?” she asks.
Yes, Bear, it asks. What now? She’s right, you know. She’s given you so many openings. And here she is doing it again. I believe this will be the last time, so you might as well go out with a bang, don’t you think?
“I love him, Anna. It’s not meant to hurt you, and it doesn’t make what I feel for you any less important. I was wrong with so many things, but I at least know I love him. It’s the only thing I have left.” I look down at the floor.
“I loved you,” she sniffs. “I don’t know if I can ever get over this.”
“Will you try?” It’s unfair to ask, but as this conversation has pointed out, I’m kind of a selfish jerk. “I don’t know if I can do this without you.”
“You said that to me once. Do you remember? And you seem to have gotten along just fine without me.” The anger rises again in her voice. “How soon was it, anyways?”
“What?” I know what she’s asking, and I attempt to stall.
“That you fucked him. How soon was it after we broke up?” Her eyes narrow. “Or were we still together?” she scowls through gritted teeth.
“Does it matter?”
“Yes.”
“Right after.”
“I hope it was worth it,” she snarls.
I look her in the eye. “It was.”
She nods, arms crossed. “Finally some fucking honesty from you. I told you that you broke my heart. Do you remember? Do you remember what I said after that?”
I do.
“I told you that you may have broken my heart, but that it was mine to give.”
“I know.”
As long as I live, I will never understand women. She jumps at me again, and the Kid raises his fists, and I really think he’s going to punch her in the boob, but he squawks as he is trapped between us as she wraps her arms around my neck. I had forgotten what it feels like to hold her there, to feel her against me. While it doesn’t do what it did before, there is something still there, something that releases and breaks open. We cry into each other’s hair, and I think it will be okay if we enacted the embargo tomorrow.
After a while, she quiets down. She hiccups and leans in, her lips brushing against my ear. “Is it?” she asks. “What you said to Creed? Is it strong?”
I nod, not trusting myself to speak.
She laughs miserably. “You never pick the easy road, do you?”
“Not my style,” I whisper back.
She leans back, and our faces are close as our eyes search each other’s. “I don’t know if I’ll get over this,” she says again. “But I hope you’ll give me the time to try.”
“I mean what I said, Anna. I love you.”