I grin. “I love you too,” I say, feeling retarded and elated all the same time. I don’t even look around to see if anyone is listening.
Then it’s
further back and I
and I wake
I wake up next to him, his breath warm on my face, his arms curled around my neck. His heart beats in my ear. I shift gently so I can rest my chin on his nipple, and I look up him, willing him to wake up, wanting to see the gold and green I’d just been dreaming of. And then it’s magic, it’s magic, it’s magic because right then his eyes open, and he smiles sleepily at me. “Hey,”
“Hey, yourself.” I reach up, and he’s ready for me, hunger beginning to take shape, and I think I won’t ever fit against anyone as well as I fit against him.
back further (when? why?)
It’s just days after I have told him I love him for the first time. Every time he sees me, it’s like it’s for the first time.
“Hey,” he says. “You know I knew, right?”
I could pretend not to know what he’s talking about, but he won’t be fooled.
“I know.”
He kisses my forehead. “I felt it from the start.”
He tells me he loves me.
He whispers that the fight for me is all he’s ever known.
I know. Ah, God how I know and and and
and
then I
go
forward.
We are almost to Anna’s house.
“That’s what this is about, isn’t it? About Oliver?” Mrs. Paquinn says quietly. “What did she say to you, Bear?”
Who’s more important to you? Who needs you more?
“She said enough.” I stare out the window the rest of the way.
WE PULL into the driveway at Anna’s house. I’m about to open the door when Mrs. Paquinn takes me gently by the arm. I look back at her.
“Whatever happened, whatever will happen, we’ll get through this. Together,” she says. “I know you’re strong, and I know you’re brave, but no one should have to go it alone.”
“What about you?” I say stupidly. “You’re alone.”
She laughs. “Oh, Bear. With you and Tyson and everything else in my life, how could I possibly be alone?”
The front door to the house flies open, and the Kid tears out the door. It seems like I can’t get out of the car fast enough. It’s not until I’m running toward him, it’s not until he’s jumping into my arms, that I finally realize just how scared I’d been. When you’re in a rage of panic, it’s all-encompassing, terrifying, ice cold. One step removed from it, and I see just how close I was to losing my mind. He sobs in my ear how sorry he is, and I feel his little body pressed to me, and I inhale deeply, taking in his scent, and I know now just how lost I would be without this Kid in my arms. I push him back and wipe clumsily at his face, brushing the tears away. He reaches up and rubs mine away. I capture those tiny hands in mine and press them against my lips and close my eyes. His forehead touches mine.
“Oh, Papa Bear,” he chokes out. “Please don’t be mad at me. I just went to get some help. I’m just a little guy. I can’t take care of you by myself. I didn’t mean to make you mad.”
“You take care of me just fine,” I say roughly. “I’m not mad. I just got a little scared is all. I thought you were gone.”