Me: I’m reading them out loud
“Oh my God,” Corey moaned. “I have never been more happy to be alive than I am right at this moment.”
“You can tell the sexy is coming by the way he’s got that Elvis curl to his lip,” Mom said. “It’s adorable.”
“Is that what that is?” Dad said, squinting at me. “I thought he was trying to keep himself from sneezing. I suppose that can be sexy, if you like that kind of thing.”
Me: I tell you I like your hair
Vince: yeah? do it. give me compliments so hard
Me: I like your hair
Vince: keep going
Me: And the way you make French toast
Vince: 1 tbspn vanilla bean paste. i rock that shit
Me: You put whip cream on it
Vince: and strawberries. And maple syrup.
Me: Side of hash browns.
Vince: maybe a sausage link or two
“Um,” Corey said. “What.”
Me: I pour you your coffee
Vince: in that mug i like????
Me: Yeah
Vince: do u make it how i like it?
Me: All the sugar. And the cream.
Vince: u make me that coffee so good
Me: Yeah, I know how you want it
Vince: u hand it to me
Vince: i take a sip
Me: Is it warm?
Vince: so warm.
“Annnnnd that’s enough of that,” Helena said, snatching the phone out of my hands.
“Hey!” I growled at her, voice sensual and extraordinarily stimulating. I took off my sunglasses in slow motion. “I was using that.”
“You were describing breakfast,” Corey said, confused. “And I was still slightly turned on.”
Helena tapped some buttons on the phone. “You can talk to him later,” she said when she’d finished, shoving my phone into her fake cleavage. “You need to focus on the plan at hand.”