I opened my eyes and stretched. The bed was empty next to me, the covers pulled back, the other side cold. I heard Vince saying something quietly and Wheels barking happily in response.
I smiled up at the ceiling.
It was a great life to wake up to.
The man I loved and boned was making breakfast while talking to our dog.
I was getting married in a week.
Sure, I still had no idea what I was going to say in my wedding vows, but I’d figure it out. I had plenty of time. I could probably make some headway on it today. That sounded like a good idea. I could—
My smile began to fall as I remembered what today was.
The unholiest of all days.
A rite of passage for any man getting married.
Darkness and debauchery.
The bachelor party, hosted by Helena Handbasket.
Sandy had refused to tell me what we were doing, and everyone around me aside from Vince had been secretive. Vince didn’t know shit about it, nor did he know what Darren had planned for his own bachelor party. Vince and I had agreed to specific stipulations, much to the chagrin of Darren and Sandy. There would be no shenanigans that could result in getting arrested, no strippers, no dicks hanging out, no nudity in general (the look of outrage on Sandy’s face had been hysterical), no hookers, no drugs (“Well there goes my plans on snorting coke off the asshole of a prostitute,” Sandy had said, rolling his eyes. “Whatever shall I do now?”), and Vince and I wanted to end the night together.
“Are you kidding me?” Sandy had exclaimed. “The whole point of the bachelor party is to do things separately. And they’re probably going to end up at a sports bar, Paul. A sports bar. Watching sports. You know I’m allergic to that. Why, I’m already breaking out in hives at the thought.”
“We’re not going to a sports bar,” Darren had said, arm around Sandy’s shoulders. It would have been sweet, except for Darren’s resting bitch face. “Don’t get jealous because we’re going to have more fun than you will.”
Sandy scoffed. “I highly doubt that’s going to be true, bae. You’re essentially a straight guy except for the way you like my dick up your ass. You know nothing about how to throw a good shindig.”
“At least I don’t call it a shindig.”
“Don’t blame me because your vocabulary is lacking. Maybe you should read more.”
“Sandy, the only reading material in your house is Us Weekly.”
“It has words. It counts.”
“Keep telling yourself that, boo.”
“You can get so bitchy. God, I love you.”
“Not as much as I fucking love you. And not as much as I love fucking you.”
Then they’d started macking all over each other while Vince and I had stared on in horror. That hadn’t been a good time for anyone. Darren was hot, sure, and Sandy attractive, but Sandy was like my much older sister, and Darren made him make this really weird noise when he did something with his tongue, and I threw up a little bit in my mouth. We tried to leave but then remembered they were in our house, so we kicked them out. I almost had to spray them with a hose like they were dogs in heat. It wasn’t until Vince pointed out twenty minutes later that Darren’s SUV was still sitting in our driveway, windows fogged up and rockin
g back and forth, that I realized I hated both of them with all my heart.
So, yes. Tonight was probably going to be a train wreck.
But for now, Vince was being all domestic in the kitchen and I really needed to get up on that.
I pulled myself out of bed, popping my back, wincing slightly at the soreness in my ass from where Vince had fucked me up against the couch the night before. We had a healthy sex life. We were young, Vince was hung, and I liked having my legs over his shoulders. We were compatible that way. But the closer we got to the wedding, the more… amorous we seemed to be. I didn’t know what it was about the approaching date, but it made me horny all the goddamn time. Luckily for me, Vince seemed to feel the same way. I figured this out when he decided he needed to jack me off in the parking lot of Safeway on one of our usual Thursday-night grocery shopping trips. I hadn’t complained about that, though I was sure I couldn’t look the guy rounding up the shopping carts in the eye ever again, since we’d forgotten the window was rolled down and I’d been shouting, “Yeah, gonna give you all my semen, you just take it all.”
I thought we needed to go to a different Safeway from now on.
I made my way down the hall toward the kitchen and made a choked-off noise at the sight before me.
Vince, wearing a pair of basketball shorts and a tight tank top, the back of which was wet from the sweat of his morning run. His tanned shoulders were broad, the sun having brought out a few more freckles than normal. I could see the muscles in his back shifting as he moved in front of the stove, humming quietly to himself. His hair was damp, like he’d dunked his head under the faucet. Wheels was at his feet, looking up at him adoringly, obviously waiting for more bacon to “accidentally” drop to the floor.