Kori cocked her head as I picked up my Bloody Mary to take a sip. “Grindr?”
“What? No. Getting my prostate checked.”
I sprayed Bloody Mary out of my nose and mouth all over the table.
“You look like your insides exploded and are leaking out of you,” Kori said with a grimace, handing me another napkin.
“Everything is burning,” I wheezed. “And he was checking your prostate? Charlie, TMI. So much fucking TMI. That has to be against the Hippocratic oath or something—”
“I was at a doctor’s appointment,” Charlie said, dry as dust. “In the waiting room. So was he.”
“Ohhh,” I said, dabbing my napkin in the water before rubbing it on my face. I had pepper in my nose, and I figured it was probably there to stay, at least for the foreseeable future. “That makes more sense. And probably what I should have gone to first. I am nothing if not a product of my upbringing.”
“Two questions left,” Charlie said.
“Why now?” Kori asked. “What happened to make you want to introduce us to him?”
Daddy shrugged awkwardly. “It’s uh… ah, hell. It’s getting serious, okay? At least I think it is. And I wanted to give it time in case it wasn’t. I didn’t want—okay. Look. I just… I just want him to meet my family. I talk about all of you enough, like you’re my own kids.” He glanced at me before looking away, seemingly embarrassed. “And your wedding day is going to be one of the happiest days of my life. I want him to be there so he can see that.”
“I’m not crying,” I sobbed. “You’re crying. And even if I am crying, it’s because of the Bloody Mary. And also your words, you old bastard.”
“Wow,” Kori said, wiping her eyes. “You are so going to lose that bet with Vince.”
“Absolutely not,” I said, sniffling. It smelled like tomato juice. “I totally got this.”
“You can’t change your mind,” Kori told Charlie. “You have to bring him now. It’s out there. We know. We’ll find him if you change your mind. And no one wants that.”
And when Charlie said, “I won’t change my mind,” I believed him. Then, “Last question.”
Kori nodded at me, giving me the go-ahead. And there was really only one question left to ask, and I thought maybe it was the most important one. Even though I already knew the answer, I needed to see the look on his face.
“Does Robert make you happy?” I asked, Bloody Mary still on my face and clothes and all over the table, even on Charlie’s steak somehow.
And I saw the way his eyes lit up, the
curve of his smile. The way he sat a little straighter even as he ducked his head, blush spreading along his cheeks again. “Yes,” Charlie said. “I believe he does. He’s… good. For me. Makes me feel younger, you know? It’s been a long time since I had someone who… cared about me. Like that.”
And because I really couldn’t take it another moment, I stood up quickly, chair knocked over, everyone staring at us yet again. But I didn’t give a flying fuck about them or if they thought the fat gay guy was making another scene. All that mattered right then was that moment when I stood behind Charlie, bending over and wrapping my arms around him, chin on his shoulder while he patted my hands clenched tightly on his chest. “I’m happy for you, Daddy,” I whispered in his ear, and if he wiped his eyes, well.
None of us were going to say anything about it.
Chapter Three: German Peanut Farmers Are All About the Nuts
March 9, 2016
T-Minus 17 Days
“PAUL GAVE me Sleepytime Tea and then took me in his windowless van!” the parrot known as Johnny Depp screeched as soon as Vince and I walked into my parents’ house for dinner.
“That was more descriptive than usual,” Vince said. “I wonder where he learns all this?”
“I’ll give you three guesses and the first two don’t count,” I muttered, setting Wheels down and watching him tear down the hallway.
“Pretty!” Johnny Depp screamed, having heard Vince’s voice. “Pretty, pretty!”
Vince frowned. “Why would you give me three guesses and not count two of them? That doesn’t seem very fair. What if I get it right on the first guess, but then it didn’t count?”
“What? Vince, what are you—you know what? Never mind.”